Do electric sheep give us wire wool?

And that's writing from elsewhere, is it, Micro? Christ!

I'm not fond of one of my neighbours 'cos he threw water over me barbie. He said it was making too much smoke.
I got him back with the garden hose. I said he was breathing too much air meant for other people...

Congrats on your red, squashy thing, by the way.

I'm going to give myself an imaginary kick up the arse... Hang on. Ow. There, won't happen again and if it does, I shall give myself a fictional thick ear.

Why I hate my neighbours part 2

1. Because when they are having sex, she barks like a yorkshire terrier. Unfort, they also HAVE a yorkshire terrier which feels compelled to join in at the peak of her excitement. How they can maintain the moment here is beyond me. I have to resist the urge to ring the doorbell and peer inside his pants, as in all my years of having great sex, I never yet met a man who can make me bark like a @!#$ ing dog.
2. He is a moron.
3. She is a moron.
4. They have lots of friends who are morons.
5. All they play is Destinys Child. Over..and over..and OVER.
6. He fixes motorbikes in his shed, and this consists (apparently) of turning the ignition, and revving it for the next three hours. Never knew fixing motorbikes was quite so easy.
7. He has a *gym* in the spare room. Cue very loud Destinys Child music, and lots of metal scraping on metal and heavy clunks each evening for an hour minimum.

*grumpy Liana, who is feeling poorly and needs to go to bed, but he's FIXING another bike*

Poor Liana...just decided my neighbour's a bloody saint by comparison. Plus he buggers off to Spain for the winter every year.

Oi, 'oo you callin' a little tart, Fecky?

...once lived above a woman who could only shag whilst listening to Whitney Houston singing "I will always you" 4 or 5 times in a row.......me I need the Dolly Parton version....

Er...'I will always *what?* you' Martin?

*****love, Andrea, love,......what will you always me ?

Whatever you like, dahling...oooh!

Andrea...I fear that we are separated by an ocean......but I feel your lurve.....

AHEM

Well, it's only a very small ocean, Martin, after all...

A mere trifle of an ocean really.

....wants to say so much but feels the presence of reluctant voyeur so can't reveal his true passion......

*rubs hands salaciously*

Oh, doooo go on dear boy.......

*licks lips*

.......ERMMMMM his passion for Fish...........

*looks startled*

...Sorry to startle you fish....but the *licks lips" line panicked me.....I fear RV is stalking me and I need your help......

*totally crushed*

Last time I let YOU read poems in me bog, Fish, I can tell you!

.....Is now totally cofused.....doesn't know which way to turn.....

Oh, but The Fish, will, I assure you...

Oooh, Andrea - you're such a suggestive biscuit!