Does anyone fancy re-writing my bit of doggerel and turning it into something sublime? The meaning has been almost entirely sacrificed to the alliteration. I think some of it sounds kinda OK but there's a trillion miles of room for improvement. I'm no poet, but many on ABC are, so will anyone take up my challenge? Extract all the vitamins from the original, re-write it, make it your own, and make it good! Yir 'tis:
http://www.abctales.com/story/ftse100/may-all-your-underpants-be-wonderp...
A new title would benefit it greatly too!
jennifer | October 15, 2008 - 08:23
I did it! My brain has been twisted by your words...
see:
http://www.abctales.com/story/jennifer/imitation-i-find-freedom-bred-lim...
for my effort!
J x
FTSE100 | October 15, 2008 - 11:12
Thnaks jennifer - I am honoured that you took up my challenge! I hope your brain isn't twisted beyond repair... I'll look at it right now. Your poem, that is, not your brain. :-)
jennifer | October 16, 2008 - 11:07
I'm not sure the brain is worth looking at today, was inspired to start writing prose again last night. 2000 words later it was past my bedtime and today I am just drained. This might be why I am a poet - it's easier to fit in around a full time job!
chuck | October 16, 2008 - 14:22
I can't do much with the alliteration FTSE but I may have a new title. How about 'Tramlines'?
FTSE100 | October 19, 2008 - 16:33
Become A Member/Groupie If Ya Think That Yuu Should Be Allowed To Have Tramlines At School. Just Because Those Snobby Fucked Up Nut Job Tossers At School Think Yuu Look Like A Thug Or Summit, Theyre Just Stereo Typin Ini, So Your Not Allowed Them. Post Some Pictures Of You With Tramlines Aswell If Yuu Want, To Show That Tramlines Are Artistic.
(Genuine post from bebo)
Yeah course Ill call it tramlines chuck cos I aint no snobby fucked up nut job tosser.
chuck | October 19, 2008 - 17:05
Bit deep for me that. How about 'Skidmarks'?