Well... here's the important, ground-breaking news of the moment:
'Take That star Gary Barlow is reportedly "right p****d-off" that comedian Jimmy Carr has apologised for avoiding tax.
"Now everyone's paying attention to the story about Take That avoiding taxes," said a source close to the singer. "For a while there, he was safe. Now he's absolutely fuming."
Barlow has even been caught on CCTV camera throwing all his Jimmy Carr: Being Funny DVDs into the wheelie bin outside his home.
Friends of Barlow say that the X Factor judge is clinging on to his OBE for dear life, and even takes it to bed with him.'
Where's my desert island? I want it now... and I don't want any f*****g music, either. Just give me a decent bed, some food, some water, maybe a few hemp seeds, and some lovely isolation...