Here's my latest scheme. I'm going to hire myself out as a stalker to those not yet famous enough to have one of their own.
Let's face it, the first thing an agent will ask you, before even looking at your writing or your face, is - have you got yourself a stalker yet?
My rates vary according to how much attention you want. If it's just a few crank emails, I can do that for a dozen people at a time so my rates are very modest. If you want exclusivity, with the optional death threats and razored teddy bears, that comes at a price.
For the community-minded, there's my stalkers club. We believe in equality of stalking, so everybody stalks everybody else.
Finally, there's the charity stalking option - celebs who give up their time to stalk those less famous than themselves.
Can I rely on your support?
Mary-Ann | July 2, 2012 - 17:15
Start counting the money :) ; just don't get caught lol.
Linda Wigzell Cress | July 2, 2012 - 18:49
Who stalks the stalker? Let me know if you need one Footsie
Linda
Archie_Macjoyce | July 9, 2012 - 00:08
My life over the last few years has been so full of accusations of and real instances of stalking, that for a while I was so confused that I started stalking myself.
I just wouldn't leave myself alone... I kept putting threatening letters through my front door. In the end the police put a restraining order on me and I wasn't allowed to go within two miles of my house, which was inconvenient to say the least.
FTSE100 | July 10, 2012 - 20:29
Nobody should be allowed within two miles of themselves. Auto-stalking is a plague and a menace.