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Dialogue help

Published by shep5377 on July 20, 2012 - 22:38

Hi guys,

I was wondering if you could help me with some correct punctuation advice?

Have a look at this sentence;

"It isn't the car that's useless," whined Leo, "it's me!"

Is that the correct use of commas when I break off in the middle of a sentence? Also, should the 'i' in 'it's' be a capital if not, even if there should be a full stop after Leo?

I hope that makes sense, I've seen it done different ways and I'd like to get somewhere near the correct way!

Thanks in advance.

Shep

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Denzella | July 20, 2012 - 23:05

Hello Shep,

I don't regard myself as any expert but I would punctuate just as you have done. However, if there was a full stop after Leo then yes 'it's' would require a capital letter.

I have also checked in a small Punctuation book and it says the same thing. The book is

Longman English Guides
Punctuation
by Ian Gordon

My daughter is a Script Supervisor working in television and she borrowed it and found it useful, so it must be okay. It is a very thin book and very easy to follow.

Hope this helps.

shep5377 | July 20, 2012 - 23:14

Thanks Denzella, that is really helpful.

I'm off to Amazon to buy that book, as well as a copy of 'Eats, shoots and leaves.'

Cheers!

The Walrus | July 20, 2012 - 23:25

I agree with Sooz, both ways are fine, but in my eyes you get an ever so slightly different feel from the second alternative (see below) because the full stop insinuates a slightly longer pause.

"It isn't the car that's useless," whined Leo, "it's me!"

"It isn't the car that's useless," whined Leo. "It's me!"

shep5377 | July 20, 2012 - 23:39

Ah thanks for that Walrus, that's a good little tip.

Cheers,

Shep

alibob | July 21, 2012 - 12:53

I struggle with this stuff all the time. That's why I hate writing dialogue. I used to avoid it at all costs, but I'm getting better. And I agree with The Walrus's comment!

The Walrus | July 21, 2012 - 14:42

If you hate writing dialogue because you're a bit nervous about the result looking clumsy or inept, the best thing to do is read through other folks' dialogue passages that you admire and you think is really well done (I'd recommend some of Sooz or Scratch's dialogue for starters). Read it over and over a few times, then write loads of dialogue of your own, and the practise will slowly but surely get you over the hurdles.

deejay | July 22, 2012 - 03:43

I think Denzella got it right. If the first part doesn't require a full stop, then you do not capitalize the i as in:

"It isn't the car that's useless," whined Leo, "it's me!"

But if it does, then it would look like this

"It isn't the car that's useless!" whined Leo. "It's me!"

Just see it as a regular sentence: It isn't the car that's useless; it's me!
As opposed to:
It isn't the car that's useless! It's me!

Hope that helps

sue dinum | July 22, 2012 - 10:31

You are spot-on, Moya.