Second Coming

I personally think every answer sounds silly, as you say, because each question attempts to humanise that which is not human. The Bible speaks of the Second Coming in a fair amount of detail in a number of the books (the are websites that compile all the info together for less page flicking). 'He will come like a thief in the night', so I doubt we'd have any time to make such plans.

Isn't it odd, though, that we are perfectly happy to contemplate Jesus walking around in ancient Galilee, but not in modern London?

It is fitting for him to give a sermon on an ancient mount, but it wouldn't seem right for him to address the audience at Greenbelt.

We're fine with the idea of his helping out in an ancient carpentry shop, but somehow we can't see him clocking on for a shift in a modern furniture factory.

Does that say something about Jesus, or society, or what?

I'd have him sleep on our couch. A few good friends that I dearly love have slept on our couch.

We'd go meet with kids at children's hospitals.

I'd suggest the he and I go to the local bakery get some coffee and doughnuts. We could take my SUV and have fun bumping battery cars off the road. After brunch....he could make every TV and computer play nothing but re-runs of the Paris Hilton sit com,"My New BFF." Then...anyone who didn't run outside after 5 minutes of watching, gets turned into a garden gnome.

He would speak with a voice like, Johnny Cash....English,with an Asian accent.

At the end of the day...we would get an old wartime chopper pilot to give us a ride. We would drink wine and fly around knocking crosses off of steeples. Jesus really isn't that fond of crosses....you know.

Sooner or later, he would say,"Larkin...this has been fun but I do have to fix the world." Then.... we would both bust out laughing!

The first thing he should do is write a popular science book: the Big One and How I Banged It.

To be a true man of the people, he should have no more idea of how the universe works than the average nit in a box. He made it out of magic and opinions. He was careful not to put any evolution in it so as not to offend religious folk. I mean, Marilyn Monroe was fit, and she didn't survive. What more proof do you need?

When he created the firmament, he left the taps running for far too long. He only intended to put a few lights in the sky to tell people the secrets of their love life. He ended up with something so huge that nobody can ever go to it or even see it. He tried to sell it on Ebay but nobody would bid for it unless he could post it to them.

He likes Kum Ba Ya, the laughter of children, and drinking pina colada in the rain.

Dislikes include know-it-all scientists, evolving apes, Romans, and DIY wine kits that contain only water.

He's already here!

I'm married to him!

Well, he certainly acts like he's God Almighty!

I think he would pick up a bible and say "What the f*** is this sh*t?" "I didn't do any of this." "And who is this John and Paul? What the f*** do they know? I've never even heard of 'em." "Pope? What's that?" "Light me up and pass me a beer. I suppose I'd better have a shower before talking to Jon Snow."

I don't believe Christ came the first time, so I doubt there will be a second coming, unless I am wrong and they use the Turin Shroud's blood from centuries ago. A DNA copy from the shroud, more plausible than magic from a virgin's loins begat by an archangel!

1 = e, 2 = c, 3 = safe to say the TV people would come to him, and 4 = b, but with subtitles, but not screened subtitles, ones that float in the air just under his chin.

You're right though, I can't imagine something/someone of unadulterated good in this cynical world. It/he/she would stick out like a sore thumb, and of course, anyone with a positive message of peace is quickly disposed of.

Who needs Jesus though? Is it not better to believe in a set of morals which don't have you jumping through hoops committing acts of pure faith in order to please some higher power? I'd rather people try to make THIS world more bearable instead of counting on a non-existant afterlife where everything is all somehow better, as long as you repent on your death bed.

Ha, can you tell I'm in a foul mood today? ;)

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God's been here all along, inside each and every one of us, but pretty much all of us are too scared to let him out for fear of being seen as weak or dull, when in fact releasing God and accepting His love for us is the only way to stop being weak and dull. God is absolutely everywhere we look so to accept that we are as much a part of His beauty as the furthermost point of the universe is to see everything around as it really is.
Religions and governments don't want you to feel this way because then you'd be free of them. You wouldn't make as many blithering mistakes, could never be hoodwinked and would walk around with a smile on your face (as criminal as that may sound).
Religions and governments are run by ignorant scoundrels who are only intelligent enough to see that you're pretty easy targets. They like to perpetuate your ignorance because it keeps you in the dark, which is good for them because they make more stuff called money. Oh, and they remain in power and you remain in their debt, which is also a pretty good reason for them not to tell you what's what.
If anyone chooses to disbelieve this, that's OK, but sooner or later you'll have to come to terms with the very real fact that you're just lying to yourself. Either that or you'll just shrivel up and die none the wiser.
Religion will never work until we stop fighting over who's God is best, just as government will never work until we stop fighting over which side is worst. That's just ridiculously immature. The only God we need to embrace is God as we understand Him, as individuals.
We know that every religion and government in the world is run on deceit, deception, skullduggery, lying, cheating, fear, paranoia, subterfuge, double-standards, stealing, killing, poisoning and conditioning, yet we carry on as if there's just no alternative.
What a pathetic lot we are if we allow the few to stifle us every step of the way.
We all have our own DNA so why shouldn't we be allowed to choose our own God? If this was the case and we weren't made to fear God as a cruel, correcting God who divided the world into haves and have nots, causing constant famine in one pocket, addiction and fear in another, jealousy and injustice in another, with two polar caps stopping us from drowning in our own muck, a God who leads the wicked into torment and the good into blissful ignorance and denial of responsibility, we'll probably find that our Gods are very similar indeed, if not identical in all ways, and likely to be the antithesis of what religions want us to believe.
Those who say they don't need to accept God in their lives are either perfectly happy, rounded people without worry or strife of any kind or, most likely, they are unwisely going against every true belief inside themselves.
I'd love to hear back from anyone genuinely seeking understanding and not just trying to poke fun at spirituality.

I'd let him have the spare room if he sorts out the creaky floorboards for me, sort him out some tea as well.

Your request puts me on a fine line, blighters. Bang on! Couldn't agree more. It all goes wrong once people get involved and begin to organise. Let's get together and start a new religion.

Blighters, I agree with you, for the most part, but I get uncomfortable when talking with such conviction about 'he', a man, personified, a conscious being who thinks like us. I see it more as an energy, not dissimilar to karma, an intangible.

A gap in my understanding of your concept is that my objective is to satisfy myself that I am a good person, not a third party (God), and having never read the bible, I'm not sure what I'd even have to do to please God in the traditional, Christian sense. Although I have never read a religious text, am I still religious? I feel more like an agnostic, not knowing what’s there, but believing there is something.

Also, I hope in my bad mood yesterday I didn't offend you, hopefully it could be argued that I was directing my criticism at people, not religion! ;)

PT, chuck some of that holy water over me and watch me go green and start smoking! If there’s one thing I'd want to get rid of it's my damn cynisism.

Hey PT,
The way I think about religion is close to how (Life of) Brian felt. 'You don't need to follow anybody', so starting a new religion would be a futile cause for me! Religion, including Christianity, is great for some but I think I need more of a personal God and a deeper understanding of spirituality to keep me on an even keel.
Almost two years clean from being a binge-drinking alcoholic, dope fiend and pathological gambler, I'm starting to get some great insight and only I can let myself down. God of my understanding only wants the best for me but It knows that it's a personal journey for me and that I can't try and influence others to think the same way. While I really want to help others, just writing the comment above this one has given me an unshiftable headache and I'm pretty sure it's because I shouldn't have posted it. I just need to keep going on my journey.
Hi Steve,
That's one fine ideology you've got there. I used He because It seems quite impersonal, although this always foxes me because while I'm sure that God is not at all human, He/It/She works through human beings all the time.
Like you, I'm sceptical about any religion, including Christianity, so no offence was taken at all. I've never liked the tribal connotations of religion and never will. I just know I need God because I've always messed up without hesheit. AA isn't religious and doesn't put itself with any sect or denomination, but we meet in church halls because they let us and they know it's a damn fine cause, plus it's the cheapest room-rent and will always be there. I pray every day but that doesn't make me religious. I just believe there's a higher power out there who wants the best for me and if I thank hesheit every day, I'm reaffirming my gratitude for a clean, sober, useful life.

I dunno blighters rock i thought your comment above was great, no nonsense, just yourself. Couldn't ask for more. Glad you're working through it all man.

If there is a god, I certainly hope he isn't like any of the human inventions. All the religious gods reek of human beings.

First of all, I'd be extremely disappointed if he needed flattery.

I hope that a god would not condone ignorance and superstition. I'm sure he'd have a lot in common with the people trying to understand how his universe works, and maybe he'd be quite impressed with how far they've got in finding out. He'd be far more interested in talking to physicists than to church leaders.

He would have not the slightest interest in Bibles and Korans and hymn books and churches and popes. He wouldn't care how many hymns you've sung or prayers you've prayed or fairy tales you've believed in, only in how you've behaved towards other people.

In short, god isn't religious.

That's the sort of god I could believe in.

Hi Zalgradis, that's a beautiful thing to say. Thanks alot.
Hi Ftse, the God of my understanding's the only one I need. Churches and bibles aren't for me too and some of the most spiritual people I know don't believe in God, although I get the feeling they have a higher power of some sort.

I have a belief in God but not in revealed religion. Being brought up as a Catholic the one thing that sticks in my mind is that I was taught Catholicism is the only true religion but as far as I can see all other religions teach the same thing. Therefore religion is divisive and no wonder it causes so many wars.

Also according to the bible, as I understand it, the earth was plunged into darkness after the death of Christ but philosophers of the time who were documenting everything make no mention of this.

So why do I believe in God? I think because I have a need to believe otherwise what is the point of all this. Here we are rushing about the planet but for what purpose? If there is no higher being what is the point in striving to be better. If there is nothing after death is that something I want to believe in?

I seem to feel happiest with the belief that we're all fragmented from one source, which is without consciousness and of no vibration, though there are intelligences that assist our path back to this source.

God created the world, his true love, so beautiful. Religion, greed and selfishness have left and continue leaving the ugly scars on her face.

We have gone from tenders of the gardens to pillagers of a planet.

Jesus has already returned in our hearts....for those of us who tend to his Father's wonderful creations.

Again, I think you're bang on blighters. Stick with it. You'll have to excuse me - I can't take anything seriously. But I have read the bible and the Qur'an end-to-end (in English). Keep reading and thinking and talking to that spirit - whatever it is. Above all, keep writing.

God's Itinerary........

Where will he stay?:
A three-hundred and fifty kilometer wide crater.

How will he arrive at the TV studio to address the World?:
By an Eight-kilometer diameter asteroid.

Who will he wish to meet?:
Cockroaches. (It's their turn next)

What Language will he speak?:
To be announced in approximately thirty million years.

I am listening.

No you're fucking not

CACA....

If I was in charge of God's accom, it would make me one of the three, so I would act accordingly.

I guess I would judge that he didn't need any (no need to sleep or relax).. who he would meet? No need, he already knows what's in the sinner's heart, and who he believes, transport wise? he's everywhere, plus he has already addressed via the bible, so no need for any major show, Language wise? The language of love.

By language of Love I mean, he gave the message, his grace, now he is just coming back to do his accounts, and take his saved to heaven.

Interesting to think about this. I hope it's not blasphemous. I would not want to jepodise my spot.

Gawd ..