It all falls close but
not quite touching.
Like death;
a rumour for most
a second of dread.
Dragging your body
full-circle from the floor,
leaving the bottles to form
their own choir of decay.
Or on the bedside
table of an old man,
who has lost his home,
can’t quite remember his name,
but has hope
and moments so profound
he recalls that beauty does exist.
His wife, the one with the Swarovski crystal smile
and hair that reached her hips,
even as torrents of grey
shining under the sun.
Or a man who buried a friend
and 149 more to the state.
But they wouldn’t know their names
or recognise their faces,
but he still carries their image
in his eyelids, religiously
as if his body is a prayer sheet.
And comfort that they are happier that way-
with the earth as their feather.
Because some people find beauty
where there is none to the naked eye.
Comments
Stan | June 18, 2012 - 22:52
A huge amount of thought and emotion - and craft - went into this poem. It hits home with me... but there are parts that puzzle me a bit.
Those first two stanzas feel right... but somehow the last stanza didn't carry the same weight. I don't know why that is. It's probably just me. I wasn't sure about 'the earth as their feather'. And the last two lines confused me a little. I think they're saying 'some people are blind to beauty'. Is that right?
Be interested to see what other people have to say. At heart, this is a powerful piece of writing. The second stanza, in particular, had an impact for me.
Beeme | June 18, 2012 - 23:00
Thanks very much Stan. I tinkered with the last stanza a bit. See if it works better for you now? Yeah thats what I meant, that some people are blind to beauty.
Beeme xx
Stan | June 18, 2012 - 23:05
Wow... what a difference a bit of tinkering makes! That change to the final lines... that some people find beauty, instead of some people are blind to it... yes, that's good. That chimes with the title. Well done.
Beeme | June 18, 2012 - 23:19
Thanks so much stan, glad you liked the tinkering! :)
Beeme xx
Larkin Williamson | June 19, 2012 - 04:16
It takes a beautiful soul to write such an amazing poem. Still making the angels smile...I see. :o)
Blessing | June 19, 2012 - 10:50
Marvellous Beeme. Have to say, I've been looking out for you for a while. And I love the fact that Stan feedback something to you and that it helped improve the piece too.
MistakenMagic | June 19, 2012 - 11:10
Those first few lines are outstanding, Beeme! Love the 'prayer sheet' imagery too. Well done on a well-deserved cherry :-)
Magic xxx
seashore | June 19, 2012 - 12:04
a very mature piece of work that mirrors the title of the poem.
Sooz006 | June 19, 2012 - 16:17
For me it worked perfectly and after reading Stan's comment I went back and read it again and still couldn't see what he was getting at, then I read your reply and saw that you'd already fixed whatever was wrong.
I never read the original, only the edit, but it certainly reads well now. Stan used the word crafted, that's exactly what I'd have chosen, too. Some people write poetry and some people are poets, this was written by a poet.
Lovely. And thanks to Jess A for highlighting it.
ItsSteveDave | June 19, 2012 - 16:19
Beeme, I hadn't seen this before you tinkered with it, but I have to say that the third stanza, and the rest of the poem, hits with some power!
I wanted to ask about the 'earth as their feather' image. For me, the 'beauty' referred to in the last few lines is death itself - or rather the freedom it has afforded the man's fallen comrades. So the earth as a feather - is it because the earth is inconsequential to the fallen men's souls? An insignificant ball of rock, suspended in space, just as a feather floating on the wind? That's how I read it and it made perfect sense, and what a beautiful image!
Loved this poem :)
Beeme | June 19, 2012 - 19:09
Larkin your kind words are always so nice to hear. Thankyou Magic, seashore, Sooz006 and ItsSteveDave for your lovely comments, after a hectic day at college reading these comments have cheered me up alot! Thank you Jess A for highlighting my poem it was very kind of you. ( probably too kind!)
Beeme xx
shoe | June 20, 2012 - 18:04
Thanks Jess for sending me this way, I would have missed it otherwise,
Beeme, this poem is knockout... it's the kind of poem I would dog-ear in a book and read over and over.
Beeme | June 20, 2012 - 18:40
Awwh thank you so much Shoe!
Beeme xx
Parson Thru | June 20, 2012 - 18:58
Hi Beemee. I came to this from the forum, too, where there is a discussion about understanding poetry. This isn't corporate communications after all. I just swam down your poem a few times and there is a kind of beauty in it mixed with a turning of the head towards a few things I might not have considered today. Thank you - it's lovely. "With the earth as their feather" is one of my favourite images - eye of the beholder again :)
Beeme | June 20, 2012 - 20:15
Hi Parson, I have been reading the dicussion on understanding poetry too. As a lot of time people ask me about certain phrases or images and what they think they mean. I also think its great, it shows the words have had an impact,the only thing is a million images can be conjured from the same line. So it is always hard giving them an answer back, a guess a poem can mean differnt things depending on how it is read, or something like that. Anyway thanks for wondering over here and reading my poem, I'm glad you enjoyed :)
Beeme xx
Cavalcaderl | June 21, 2012 - 14:09
new Beeme
So glad your back on writing poems.
This is a superb,poetic poem, the words so many meanings,so cleverly written! I read and read again.
I have heard or seen after someone died a feather
or two,drops from sky whatever,happened young friend,
we had been with strange!
Hope your well.
Well deserved cherries1!
julie xx
Beeme | June 21, 2012 - 22:35
Thank you very much Julie!
Beeme xx
scratch | November 10, 2012 - 22:09
First time here for me Beeme. Glad that I came because this is an amazing poem. I was minded to pick the middle stanza but no, I couldn't do that because it is all super.
This is what I like about this site - the sheer tallent that contributes to it.
Beeme | November 16, 2012 - 15:55
Thank you very much Scratch for your lovely comment. Really happy you liked my poem so much!
Beeme xx