Behind the mask

I actually think, this is very good. I would change the punctuation somewhat - suggest;

Dance behind the scenes;
let the breeze unzip the soul
and the hands dangle like a tear,
released from happiness.
Hide your identity
with a colourful mask
and reveal your laughter lined
cheeks and wide smile, gleefully.

I would swap 'identity' for 'sparkling eyes', suggesting that the mask provides the character of the alter-ego out.

BUT...I am the last one to be giving advice on punctuation (or anything else for that matter). Just because, this is how I would do it, doesn't make it right.
It's your poem and I think it is good. Ewan may cast an eye on it for you and come up with something completely different (he'd be a safer bet than me) lol.
Keep it going; your getting better and better all the time, as I am. As my dad used to say' 'Practice makes perfect! - or better anyway ;)

Chris XX

Thank you Chris, I like 'identity' and your idea of an alter ego. I like your puncuation too, like you say other people could offer their advise too, and I'll see what other options there are. Thanks again, 'practise makes perfect' - this is very true! I have seen your poems getting better and better, your IP poem 'wild geese' is beautiful and the imagery perfect :)

Beeme xx

Careful Beeme; I'll start blushing ;)

'let the breeze unzip the soul,
and the hands dangle like a tear'

Brilliant! Well done!

Nathan.

Thank you so much Nathan, glad you enjoyed :)

Beeme xx

Sweet and pretty atb Lena

Thanks lenchenelf, i'm very pleased you enjoyed.

Beeme xx

Yes, I think this has lots of really lovely elements, ideas, and nice phrasing. I wonder, though, about the title - maybe: 'From behind the mask'?
Wonderful frst two lines - gems.
From this point, although the phrasing is great, I'm slightly wondering what's outer and what's inner in the person. To help with this, if you wish and don't disagree, what about?:
line 3: change 'and' to 'when'?
not sure about line 4 - does the poem need it?
line 5 : add 'Don't' before 'hide?
Am I risking over-simplifying the ideas here though?
Generally, I like the sparse use of punctuation here and wouldn't change it too much.
Well done - a real gem of an idea here.

Thank you animan for your comment, I really like your phrasing and ideas for changing some words here, it reads better to me. So happy you enjoyed :)

Thankyou Julie, glad you enjoyed this so much. I think I might change the title to 'Behind the mask' like suggested :) Nice to hear from you xx

Beeme xx

"and reveal your laughter lined
cheeks and wide smile gleefully."

True beauty, this poem reveals beauty. Your work defines beauty and love.

Now thats a heck of an achievement.

"and reveal your laughter lined
cheeks and wide smile gleefully."

True beauty, this poem reveals beauty. Your work defines beauty and love.

Now thats a heck of an achievement.

"and reveal your laughter lined
cheeks and wide smile gleefully."

True beauty, this poem reveals beauty. Your work defines beauty and love.

Now thats a heck of an achievement.

Thank you so much Pinda! I'm so glad you think my work does so, I'm going to start blushing :)

Beeme xx

New Beeme
Behind is brilliant verse
Hide you identity with a
colourful mask and reveal
your laughter lined cheeks
and a wide smile gleefully,

Really well put. I told Pinda
once title be "Behind The Mask" as
asked suggestions!
also reminds me wearing last minute a Cat
Mask my poem "Green Eyes" by writing group
homeless 1st base. and film faciliators like to be called faciliators. as I asked what name they like to be called said facilators, and all we did on huge screen Odeon me for a title once to I said "Behind The Mask" all shown at Ciema our works.
Cinema in May 3 years.I believe Pinda got Red Rosey! this is great never know who is behind a mask!
julie xx (;-
up to you pinda asked me!.