Houses, framed with dust,
like ivory along dormant windows,
sits squatting in the horizon.
Blinking like a golden Buddha’s head,
rippling in the sun.
A boy engraves his initials onto a tree;
he tells his mother its one of Afghanistan's wonders of the world.
She smiles but he thinks their history is dead,
and he prays that his fingertips will soon unearth something.
Ride home, ride home.
Leave us all alone with our screaming children,
Leave us all alone with our understaffed hospitals-
which hang the flags of hope.
Leave us all alone with our mud roads and limited
technology.
Ride home, ride home.
Chidren ignore the echoing calls about terrorists,
whilst corrupt police patrol the streets.
They watch them bury their legs into a beggar’s rib,
"tsks" his tongue like a warning of an onsought of words,
takes his hope and buries it in the mud.
It's all so wrong, can it only get worse?
No second chances for the people amidst the war.
When people’s homes are littered with corruption-
like ashfall.
Ride home, ride home.
Leave us all alone with our screaming children,
Leave us all alone with our understaffed hospitals-
which hang the flags of hope.
Leave us all alone with our mud roads and limited
technology.
Ride home, ride home.
His grandchild travels back from Pakistan
after years encaged in a bedsit,
bones wrapped around the warmth of an electric heater.
He returns home to bury his granddad,
wraps him in cloth like a blessing.
Apologises to his son that he can never show him where he grew up
and he doesn't know when he'll be able to take him home.
Nobody's fighting for a reason they're sure of. Yet we hear
both sides of the argument, leave or stay.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | October 29, 2011 - 18:10
I like the repetition of 'ride home...' in this one, Beeme; it further accentuates the message of the poem and its 'driving' rhythm, if you see what I mean;-)
I wish you every success in the competition;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | October 29, 2011 - 19:16
Thank you very much Tina, much appreciated.
Beeme xx
Highhat | October 30, 2011 - 20:35
needs a few tweaks Beeme. You get the desolate feeling across very well. Very moving.
;)Pia
maggyvaneijk | October 30, 2011 - 23:54
Some powerful stuff, just stitch up some of the sentence structures and spelling and it will be a true Beeme gem. The fourth stanza in particular really stood out to me.
Beeme | October 31, 2011 - 11:56
Thanks, Maggy, Pia and Julie. I'm really not sure about this :/
Beeme xx
Highhat | October 31, 2011 - 16:53
Houses are framed with dust,
like ivory along dormant windows-
sits squatting in the horizon.
maybe:
houses, framed with dust like ivory
along dormant windows,
sit squatting on the horizon.
comma after Buddhas head
onto a tree; semi colon
it's one of Afghanistan's (it's)
no dash after dead (and comes just after)
understaffed- one word (I think ;D)
onsought (of words)- should it be onslought ???
ashfall- one word
where he grew up you don't need a semi colon here because the next word is
and
nobody's (nobody is- not nobodies)
I hope this helps a bit- it's just technicalities so don't worry too much.
A brilliant piece Beeme. So good for the competition- Good luck
atb
Pia
Beeme | November 3, 2011 - 20:53
Thank you very much Pia, :)
Beeme xx
Cavalcaderl | November 4, 2011 - 00:08
Beeme
Very honest,true,poem.
Full of the loss of war.
good luck in the comp;
It say's all and well
explained of situations,
war causes all. Images so
vibrant.
julie x
Kahdai | December 7, 2011 - 21:35
this great Beeme x
Beeme | December 7, 2011 - 22:06
Thank you Kahdai and Julie :)
Beeme x