You drew a map to my heart,
using my veins as climbing ropes.
There's blood on the floor
staining the carpet, fading into violet.
Bruised, shamed and waiting for the
darkness to conceal your guilt.
But your shadow never leaves my room.
It shape-shifts- attentive to my bodies
shapely form, my sleepy catatonic movements.
Like my own shadow should be...
its cowering in the corner, abandoning me.
There's no sound, only the creaking of
bones and the hum-drum of traffic behind
the window; as if the world has something to say.
Nothing's out of the ordinary-
my broken mouth, the blood stained words
hurdling through the dreamy air.
I'm lonely, scared and fed up.
I peel away the layers,
climb out from under the sheets.
I look back, once, the sunlight is streaming
in through the blinds and
I can finally see the real me.
Comments
MistakenMagic | December 5, 2010 - 21:25
'There's no sound, only the creaking of
bones and the hum-drum of traffic behind
the window; as if the world has something to say.
Nothing's out of the ordinary-
my broken mouth, the blood stained words
hurdling through the dreamy air.'
- just love this stanza, Beeme. So many delicious images!
Just caught a typo 'bodies' should be 'body's'.
I did stumble a little over the last line - I think it might be too 'wordy' and 'yourself and I' seems like a strange way of saying 'me and you'. With endings I find the simplest phrases are always the best. I'll get back to you if I think of anything!
Magic xxx
Beeme | December 5, 2010 - 21:59
Thank you Magic! Glad you enjoyed and I'll change the typo and have a think too :)
Beeme xx
Beeme | December 5, 2010 - 22:01
perhaps 'Can finally see the real me.' Or 'Can identify myself.'
Beeme xx
MistakenMagic | December 6, 2010 - 13:06
'can finally see the real me' is perfect, Beeme. Well done ;)
Magic xxx
Beeme | December 6, 2010 - 13:18
Thank you ;) glad it workd :D
Beeme xx
Silver Spun Sand | December 6, 2010 - 13:57
It certainly does work, Beeme. Well done. Much enjoyed;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | December 6, 2010 - 14:03
Thank you Tina :) Glad you enjoyed :)
Beeme xxx
shoe | December 6, 2010 - 14:45
Brutal yet also beautiful, I love the penultimate stanza.
Beeme | December 6, 2010 - 16:58
Thank you very much Shoe, I'm really happy you like :)
Beeme xx
andrew-evans | December 6, 2010 - 20:28
Loved the imagery in this piece
Beeme | December 6, 2010 - 23:27
Thank you Andrew :)
Beeme xx
Kahdai | December 13, 2010 - 16:22
Hello Beeme dear, this is my favourite of your last few poems, very your own style :) & would you tell me- what was the last line before? K xx
Beeme | December 13, 2010 - 17:29
awwh thank you very much kahdai, I'm very pleased you enjoyed :) I'm sorry I can't remember exactly, something along the lines of, "I can finally distinguish between yourself and I"
Beeme xx
Kahdai | December 20, 2010 - 17:11
Yes this ones great end to it now though, was just so ii could understand the first idea behind it ;) K xx
Beeme | December 23, 2010 - 23:49
Glad you think so Kahdai, I have the memory worse than a goldfish! x