There are no electric lights in here.
Only the sunshine pouring through
the window.
I'm caught up in a golden glaze
I freeze on fire.
Unaccustomed to the light,
I shrink into a corner of my room
shadow for company.
I predict the light is attempting
to perform some bizarre baptism
of my soul.
But I just don't have the energy
and I can't pretend any more.
I'd rather not be under the spotlight,
I already feel as though you can
see into my soul.
There are always shadows here,
I've actually grown used to them.
The scattering and banging
serve only as comfort-
reminding me that I am not
alone in this house.
I suppose he could mistake me for
anybody now, my features and fleshly
form are hidden amongst the darkness.
So perhaps I am still ashamed.
I've scrubbed the sheets again and again
but your scent is so prominent,
nothing will weaken your presence from this house.
Our room- my room now,
has become a shrine to you.
Sickening to see that you still mean
so much to me, after all that has happened.
It took the lights threat to keep re-paying
our past, to drive a reaction from me.
I couldn't keep waking up and seeing the
cherished relics of our past-
which only re-opened my wounds.
I stripped the walls of our photographs,
until they represented those identifiable
walls, that a new house proudly displays.
I had no desire to make anything my own any more.
The layers and layers of white light, flashed so
bright, it made my eyes water.
Collecting flashes of our past in the pools of my
pupils, the transient shaky past
which mercifully, after all this time, dissolved.
Comments
Highhat | October 24, 2010 - 18:09
This is a very strong piece of work. Shadows and light repetetive- very strong literary devices. I liked it a lot.
;)Pia
Beeme | October 24, 2010 - 19:11
Thank you very much Pia, I'm glad you enjoyed :)
Beeme xx
MistakenMagic | October 24, 2010 - 19:17
Very atmospheric and incredibly powerful, Beeme! It's lovely to see something new from you - and love the images in that last stanza! Well done :)
Magic xxx
fatboy74 | October 25, 2010 - 00:23
Really good Beeme - agree with magic and Pia.
insertponceyfre... | October 25, 2010 - 07:53
I particularly like the final stanza too Beeme, and I'm glad to see you're writing despite your block!
Nolan | October 25, 2010 - 13:52
“I freeze on fire”. It can feel that way. Especially something dry can burn you like say dry ice or cold clean steel.
The title “Ritual”. How does this fit in?
“.. it made my eyes water.
Collecting flashes of our past in the pools of my
pupils”.
Ok. I like this. Much of the rest I find rather strange to be honest. And a bit forced really.
Keep on keepin’ on! Nolan &&
shoe | October 27, 2010 - 11:45
Full of dramatic imagery, I especially like the last stanza.
Beeme | October 28, 2010 - 23:28
Thankyou all very much for your comments :) Your spot on Nolan most of it was forced due to my writers block :-)
Beeme xx
rjnewlyn | October 29, 2010 - 00:29
Very effective in building up tension and a slightly delirious quality to it. An unsettling read and I hope it resolves for you.
Rob
Nolan | October 29, 2010 - 22:53
Beeme, if I may I would like to offer some advice. Why don’t you write more prose? Most of your poetry is very obscure. And why write about love all the time? There’s much more to life really than just love.
Please no offence meant, and still, I enjoy all your work.
Nolan
Beeme | October 30, 2010 - 11:02
Thanks Rob
Beeme xx
Beeme | October 30, 2010 - 11:04
Thanks for the advice Nolan, I may try more prose.
Beeme
rjnewlyn | October 30, 2010 - 20:13
Re Nolan's point, I'm not sure. Most of TS Eliot's poetry was fairly obscure but wonderful all the same (although probably not for everyone) and there's something that can be achieved in poetry where the subject matter isn't very clear. And if you spent a lifetime writing only about love you'd be in some noble company. I think the main thing is to try different things and see what feels most natural at a particular time. That's probably going to be the right way forward.
Rob
Kahdai | November 2, 2010 - 20:58
Beeme its fantastic I think I know this K x
Beeme | November 7, 2010 - 19:01
Excellent advise at usual, thank you very much Rob :)
Beeme xx
Beeme | November 7, 2010 - 19:04
Thank you very much Kahdai!
Beeme xx