Your name is a ghost
replaying through time,
shining as stars in my universe
which rotates around you,
constantly revealing new
sides of yourself to me.
Your name is stuck at
the tip of my tongue
impossible to swallow,
always part of my language.
I've called your name,
more times than I wish to recall
but nothing replies,
only the deafening silence
of unrequited love,
a sound I pray is forgotten.
Removed from my body,
my bones ground into ash,
as nothing powers the beating
of my heart other than hope of one day
touching a fraction of your planet,
orbiting inches from my grip.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | December 23, 2010 - 23:02
You have worked so hard on this, Beeme and I really admire that in a writer. It takes a lot of discipline and dedication to rework and then rework again, the same piece, but certainly, in this case it has paid off admirably;-)
Tina xx
Beeme | December 23, 2010 - 23:36
Thanks so much Tina, I'm very happy that you appreciate my efforts. I hope its just right now :)
Beeme xx
rjnewlyn | December 23, 2010 - 23:43
Yes, very good imagery and clearly something coming from the heart.
Minor issue with punctuation - I think you want commas rather than full stops after 'time' and 'ash'.
Rob
Beeme | December 23, 2010 - 23:47
Thank you very much Rob, changed the full stops to commas.
Beeme xx
insertponceyfre... | December 24, 2010 - 00:12
well done beeme - I echo what tina says
Beeme | December 24, 2010 - 00:32
Thank you Insert, thank you for the cherry abctales!
Beeme xx
Kahdai | December 25, 2010 - 00:13
It fantastic Beeme,! another of your poems one of my favourite :) xx K
Jasper_Milvain | December 27, 2010 - 23:05
Just passing by, and delighted to see one of your poems cherry-picked, and very good it is too.
Really direct and clear and punchy.
Good stuff.
Thanks.
JM
Beeme | December 28, 2010 - 00:04
Thank you very much Kahdai, :) xx
Beeme | December 28, 2010 - 00:06
Thanks Jasper it's good to hear from you again, I hope you've been well. I'm very happy you enjoyed my more recent work.
Beeme