Breakfast on the waterfront
Al fresco in the morning air
Eleven-ish in the Medusa bar
An ice cream perhaps to share
Walking the beach together
Playing and having fun
Then head for Agia Marina
For lunch with Stavros at one
Find a quiet sheltered spot
And siesta under shady tree
Then cocktails at the Koala
Beginning at half past three
Tottering home to the villa
A well-earned rest required
Refreshed and showered
A quayside café is desired
Satisfied and glowing after
Greek cuisine to drink and dine
Nightcaps at the Paradise bar
Brandy or a glass or two of wine
Returning to the villa happily
For a good nights rest at last
The last thought as eyelids fall
I wonder what's for breakfast
Comments
john_silver | September 8, 2008 - 14:33
I've given this advice before, but clean up the metre a little. There's some good material here but the breaks in musicality get in the way of the reading. For instance the line "Refreshed and showered" is a dimetre in the middle of a stanza which is consistently in trimetre. The first stanza of the poem has two lines in tetrametre followed by two lines which simply don't scan. There's a world of improvement that can be attained by just a few small corrections.
Good job anyway, a pleasant poem.
shoebox | September 8, 2008 - 18:38
Randall Barfield
Perhaps "Shower and after hardy respite"?
Perhaps "Cafe on the quay desired"?
night's sleep (as you've already used rest)
Just some thoughts. I like it. Thanks for sharing it.
Macjoyce | September 9, 2008 - 10:53
There's no point trying to help, John. Biggus doesn't want to improve or listen to advice, and he thinks metre is pretentious and middle-class. He thinks all poetry except his own is pretentious and middle-class.
www.myspace.com/norwichfacetransplant
Biggus | September 12, 2008 - 15:11
Macjoyce wrote
"He thinks all poetry except his own is pretentious and middle-class"
Where on earth did that come from?