HAIR TODAY
Im losing my hair so fast now
It's vanishing without a trace
I noticed it because everyday
It takes longer to wash my face
ONE FOR THE POT
Two missionaries are cooking in a pot
The natives are dancing round a lot
Every fifth circuit the dancers made
One man broke away from the parade
And with his club he hit a missionary
On the head which seems unnecessary
The chief is quite alarmed by all this
And demands to know what is amiss
"These men will be boiled and eaten
Why then do they need to be beaten?
"Why do you keep hitting the edibles?
"Because they're eating the vegetables
START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON
We all enter this world in the same way
Soaked in blood, screaming and quite bare
But if you live your life in the right way
That kind of thing doesn't have to stop there
SUNFLOWER
In an attempt to change my life style
I became a vegetarian, well for a while
But for me it didn't suit, and wasn't right
Because I kept leaning towards sunlight
NOSEGAY
A young woman stood waiting to meet
She stood six foot tall in stocking feet
Two midgets arrive standing to her right
Or should I say men of restricted height
After a while one turned and spoke to her
"Excuse me miss can we smell your beaver?
"No you cant you dirty disgusting little men
"Oh ok it must be your feet that stink then
WONDER WOMAN
I wonder, is a woman like a condom?
Well similarities there are some
Like spending more time in your wallet
Than on your manhood I would bet
PAINT THE SKY WITH STARS starlite sep 06
Why is it that when
With astronomers you converse
And your told there are
Billions of stars in the universe
You believe them
Completely and with out coerce
Yet when you speak
To an expert in things decorative
And you're told there is
Wet paint near where you live
You still need to touch it
Just to be positive
JOKE TILL YOU CROAK
Some people think that life's a joke
It's an opinion shared by many folk
And that's their choice, which is fine
But just think about the punch line
THE WAY TO A MANS HEART
The quickest way to a man's heart
Isn't through his stomach for a start
Those old wives tales are not facts
Go through his chest, with a big axe.
LOVE IS BLIND
It is true that
Love is blind-er
And marriage is
The eye-open-er
OSCAR AND THE DAME
One day with her nephew or niece
Dame Peggy Ashcroft was travelling
In Royal Berkshire on British railways
When they came to a halt just outside Reading
For quite a while they were stationary
The train motionless on the silent rail
When looking out the steamy windows
Through the trees they could see Reading gaol
"Oscar Wilde was once in that prison
"Really what did he do to get in there?
Dame Peggy tried to put it delicately
She said "Well um uh he didn't really fit in dear
PONDERING STUFF
I wonder things some times
Pondering to help me cope
Like all things being equal
Fat people use more soap
MANY A MICKLE
Life can be a struggle day by day
Scrimping and saving pennies away
By the time you can make ends meet
They move the ends just out of reach
