BERRY, BERRY
The doctor scratches his head
And is almost struck dumb
Why does his patient have
A strawberry stuck up his bum
The only answer is
On a strawberry he must have sat
Then he says
“I’ll give you some cream to put on that”
CREAM OF SOCIETY
They say there the cream of society
Their arrogance makes me sick
They’re the cream of our society
Because they’re rich and thick
BARBRA
Do you think if a man walked into a bar
Would his dyslexic friend walk into a bra
THE FASTEST THING
There was an Englishman and a Welshman
Talking to a Scotsman and an Irishman
They were all sitting down discussing
What could possibly be the fastest thing?
The Englishmen I know what it ought
It has got to be the process of thought
The Scot nodded and said in a flicker
Good try but I think blinking is quicker
The Welshman thought and said quickly
I believe it has got to be electricity
The Irishman said they don’t come near
The fastest thing is in life is Diarrhea
I went out last night to have a curry
Drank twelve pints of beer in a hurry
I awoke in the night I felt my heart sink
Because Before I had any time to think
No time to blink or switch on the light
I had Diarrhea in my pants last night
ONE IN FIVE
One in five in
The world today
Are apparently
Chinese they say
Now we have five
In our family
So one is Chinese
I know it’s not me
Well it’s not mum
Or my dad even
So it must be one
Of my brothers then
Now is it Colin
Or Lee Woon Jae
I think its Colin
I have to say
LIVING WITH SUCH A SPOILED BRAT
Living with such a spoiled brat
Is no fun I'll have to say that
They sit around bitchin
Ordering food from the kitchen
And wonder why their getting so fat
POOCH POUCH
I can’t abide one thing
It leaves me all agog
And I cannot respect a man
Who carries a dog
CAR LESS AND CARELESS
This observation
I have happened to regard
People who don't drive
Slam car doors too damn hard
ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY
Eco friendly products do they pay?
That’s what the manufacturers say
I have read on the weed killer lids
That it won’t kill any of your kids
And it won’t kill the family moggy
It won’t even kill the family doggy
But does it kill the weeds pray tell
No it just makes them a little unwell
