MR.WHIPPY R.I.P.
An ice cream man has been found dead
Lying on the floor beneath a shelf
Covered with hundreds and thousands
Police say he may have topped himself
DEAD STUPID
Mick and Pat one day have to toil
Near to a cemetery tilling the soil
They decide to look during a break
At head stones for curiosity's sake
And at the inhabitants longevity
Both men are amazed quite frankly
"Ninety seven when this woman died
"I can beat that Pat excitedly cried
"Look one hundred and forty five
"That's a lot of years Pat, to be alive
That's amazing what was his name?
"Well it says here miles from Thame
INN TROUBLE
A mate of mine and his new wife
Stayed in a hotel in the town of Fife
Just for one night with time to kill
And he got a two hundred pound Bill
"Two hundred pounds? for what?"
My mate said, "That seems to be a lot
"That's for your room and board sir
Answered the odious hotel manager
My friend said, "Room and board?
We didn't even eat here." He roared
The manager said, "Well it was here
If you missed it, that's bad luck I fear"
I'm not paying the Bill My friend said
"You can take a hundred quid instead
"I'm deducting a hundred as a fine
For sleeping with this wife of mine"
"I never touched a hair on her head"
"She was there though, My mate said
THE REAL TRUMPTON
There is to be yet another reality show
Including many celebrities we all know
With for example Bishop Desmond TuTu
Reg Varney and the myopic Mister Magoo
Little Ronnie Corbett and Dibble the copper
Keeper Bruce Grobelaar the shot stopper
The show will take place in a fire station
With a huge audience across the nation
It's to be called Trumpton its been decided
And more names will no doubt be included
So I must recap the names, which is my job
Tutu, Varney, Magoo, Corbett, Dibble and Grob
USEFUL TRAVELERS
Last year at a biology convention
A researcher was heard to mention
“We don’t use lab rats anymore”
You could have heard a pin hit the floor
“We use “Wannabees” now instead”
"Really why is that?” someone said
"Well, three reasons to be truthful
Firstly “Wannabees” are more plentiful”
Second, the lab assistants don't get
Attached to them or even upset,
And thirdly there are one or two
Things that even a rat won't do”
