REASONS TO BE A MAN

It's good to be a man at any time of year or season
And here are just a few to show the rhyme and reason
Your Phone conversations are over in minutes or less
You get credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
You don't have to ask where the oil goes in cars
You don't need to ask for help to open all your jars
You don't care if someone talks behind your back
You buy your underwear in three's for £10 a pack
You don't clean the house if the gas man is coming by
Nobody at work has the power to make you cry
You can always take your shirt off on a sunny day
If you do the same work you no you'll get more pay
You never have to worry what others are feeling
You can sit cross-legged no matter what you're wearing
Old friends don't care whether you've gained weight
Beer guts don't make you invisible to a potential mate
You know if you need to go the world is your urinal
You never have to fake as all your orgasms are real
When queuing for the toilet the lines are always shorter
Gray hair and wrinkles will only give you character
Hot wax never comes anywhere near your pubic hairs
If you're thirty-four and your still single nobody cares
The size of your bum is not a factor when job hunting
Foreplay is optional and Flowers will fix everything
You can be showered and ready to go in ten minutes
And you don't get overcharged by hairdressing twits
Sex means never worrying about your reputation
One suitcase is all you need for a summer vacation
You can go to the bathroom without your friends
Car mechanics don't patronize you about big ends
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough to own
The remote control handset is yours and yours alone
You don't have to like them to have sex with them
No one looks at your chest when you talk to them
You know that there's always a game on somewhere
And you have a simple relationship with your mother
You don't have to shave anything below your head
You don't have to curl up to a hairy man in bed
Nudity in films is nearly always of the female variety
You never have to remember a birthday or an anniversary
You don't care if no one notices your new hairstyle
And you can write your name in the snow and smile
The ambitions are simple to which you aspire
Just to become a dirty old man is all you desire