FREE
I'd rather have a free
Bottle in front of me
Than a prefrontal lobotomy
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
She's always turns up late
It’s seems to be a family trait
When her ancestors arrived
They somehow contrived
Arriving at Plymouth Rock
Late to everyone’s shock
I think that the tardy shower
Sailed on the June flower
CIVIL DEFENCE
What would happen in the unhappy event?
Of a nuclear attack that we cannot prevent
Just put you head in between knee and thigh
Pucker up and then kiss your arse good bye
TAKE ME TO CUBA
There was once this terrorist group
Some obscure fundamentalist troop
Who hijacked one of the Jumbo fleet
With a Journalist in every single seat
They made their demands right away
And if they weren’t met without delay
They threatened police in the tower
To release one Journalist every hour
MILITARY LAW # 1
There is an old law of combat
If you heed this you’ll go far
Never ever share a foxhole
With anyone braver than you are
IT’S NOT MY AISLE
I went to the DIY centre the other day
Not as good as the Old hardware shop
I was looking for some super glue
Having searched in vain I decided to stop
I asked a young lad if he could help
But in truth he wasn’t much cop
I stood for an hour waiting for his balls to drop
DEEP THOUGHTS
You’ll find differences and comparisons
Quite interesting concepts
i.e. between a rut and a grave the difference
Is simply the depth
THE LIFE STORY OF A DRESS
10 years before its time a dress will be considered indecent
1 year before its time it will be considered daring
Precisely in its time it will be considered chic
3 years after its time it will be considered dowdy
20 years after its time it will be considered hideous
30 years after its time it will be considered amusing
100 years after its time it will be considered romantic
150 years after its time it will be considered beautiful.
WHO NEEDS THEM
Friends may come
And friends may go
But enemies
Just accumulate so
DO’S
It’s always
What you don’t do
And this is the truth
I tell you
That’s far more important
Than what you do do
