PATHLETICS
I hate most track athletes
But sprinters really get my goat
The fastest men on earth they claim
As they strut and preen and gloat
Running very fast in a straight line
Small beer for such a big ego
And they excel for less than ten seconds
Duration unimpressive to my wife I know
On they African plains they’d fail to impress
I can say that without being rude
In the eyes of a hunting lioness
They would be little more than fast food
BEST OF A DECADE
The soundtrack of the sixties
Was by Lennon and McCartney
But it was little Georgie Best
Who did the choreography
OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE
I have been a keen sports fan for many years
As my father was before me
But something has always puzzled us
And is in the back of our mind’s constantly
When it comes to the boat race final every year
Why is it the same two teams we always see
BOTLEY BILLY
Billy Casey is the Botley United F.C. team captain
He’s just bettered his club scoring record again
In ninety matches he’s now scored twenty-three
He’s second highest scorer now just behind o.g
MATCH OF THE DAY
I took the boys to the match
Down the road on Saturday
I take them to the home games
But we never ever go away
They’re only a conference side
About mid table if were lucky
If we manage a decent cup run
The pundits call us plucky
Almost numb with boredom
We suffered a dull first half
The ref fell over on his arse
So at least we had a laugh
To cheer the boys up a bit
I took them to a burger bar
I didn’t know how long we’d be
The line didn’t seem that far
The true concept of “fast food”
Seems to have passed them by
As we spent half time queuing
For two hot dogs and a pie
I sent the boys to the stands
Coming over all paternal
I queued on my own and missed
Two goals after the interval
Back in the stand with the boys
I realized I’d got nothing for me
And when I tied Josh’s shoelace
I missed goal number three
I saw the last five minutes
Until the final whistle blew
Still at least we won the match
The last time we only drew
Match days are meant to be fun
I must be totally off my brain
Halfway home without a coat
It starts to pour with rain
Forty quid to see the match
Plus fast food and a program
Still at least I spent the day
With my boys Ben Josh and Sam
BALLOONING
Of all the pastimes
Which defy all logic
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic
You take off
With no controls to ponder
At the mercy of the wind
Into the great blue yonder
Floating up and away
Heart fit to blow a gasket
Gripping the hand rail
And stood in a picnic basket
A Bunsen burner flames
Under a piece of fabric
Hot air ballooning
Must be the most fantastic
NEW ANGLES
Angling is an ancient pastime
And thousands sit with permit paid
Some stand on the riverbank
Some enter the water and wade
Long held traditions are kept
Yet new innovations are made
As modern anglers try to improve
With every kind of new fangled aid
In wartime when my father was young
And when not fighting or on parade
Was forced as he had no rod and line
To go fishing with a hand grenade
NICE ONE HENRY
FIFA are on a mission
Racism in the game they want to defeat
An admirable ambition indeed
But first they need to stamp out cheats
Its spread from normal quarters
To Thierry Henry who to his disgrace
After a shoulder to the chest
Went down holding his face
JOBS FOR THE BOYS
Horacio Elizondo is ref for the final
His obvious Reward
For a flawless performance
Helping Portugal go forward
ZZ TOP
Zidane in Germany in 2006
Was given the golden ball
Voted the tournaments best player
The most outstanding of them all
A great reward for his foul conduct
Viciously head butting a rival
And before a global audience
Sent off in the world cup final
Was this the act of a great player?
Or of a thug that the world abhors
Was his behavior out of character?
Or has he now shown his true colors
FOREIGN JOHNNY’S ON THE SPOT
When they show there skills they earn our respect
After scoring they celebrate and genuflect
They have great skill which we respect
But their cheating is what we’ve come to expect
