Self-Medication

The blinding lights are getting duller,
And the depth of the world is becoming fuller.
The girl in the mirror regains familiarity,
As I return back to sobriety.

Now it's time to step off my euphoric cloud,
I'm again hypersensitive to every image, every sound.
When I close my eyes I'm being surrounded by abuse,
The past can't be erased, even with this drug use.

This seems to be the only option for me,
Ever since the prescription medication stopped working.
I can't get help the "healthy" way,
Altering my consciousness makes me temporarily okay.

Doctors have poked and prodded me for years,
But the suicidal idealization is still here.
Please just leave me to these empty justifications,
That goes along with this hollow self-medication.