The thunder is no more in the sky.
It roams the street,
occupies the public square.
It is a human tide of unseen proportions,
a call for justice,
a desire of peace.
The unity once lost
is looked out again.
It is the marching of a thousand feet,
together,
rolling the same beat
to overcome the fiction of no tomorrows.
Money is heartless,
souless.
It is a ghost of death.
A fist clenching hope and happiness.
But the thunder,
with its mighty power,
will wipe out the evil doer,
the suit-clad devil with the dollar grin,
and it will prevail.
For its force is love.
Comments
maisie | November 22, 2011 - 20:29
The unity once lost
is looked out again.
It is the marching of a thousand feet,
together,
rolling the same beat
to overcome the fiction of no tomorrows
could be....
it is the marching of a thousand feet,
together, roll to the same beat,
bla bla blao
To overcome the fiction..etc,
The unity etc
is looked out again...
and then I'd personally try to do something with the penultamate stanza, because you so nearly have a form.
I do love the last line....
and the whole thing works quite well so please yourself.
Daniel Saint-John | November 22, 2011 - 20:42
Well thank you, Maisie, very much. Your comments are very encouraging and true.
What do you mean about the penultamate stanza, didn't get it though.
Excelsior!
Juniperus | November 22, 2011 - 21:21
I actually really like this just the way it is - it has a broken rhythm that works very well with the weight and chaotic gravitas of the content. It echoes the recent riots on the streets of London.
Just a small point - should suit-claded devil be suit-clad devil? I tried cladded but that also didn't look right;)
Silver Spun Sand | November 29, 2011 - 16:02
I too like this the way it stands, Daniel;-)
Tina
Daniel Saint-John | November 29, 2011 - 20:52
Thank you all, make some adjustments (claded to clad, good one)
Excelsior!