l remember being in a wee push chair with my little sister. We were both given a sticky white chew in waxy paper with twists. Our family were viewing a brand new 3 bedroom, huge garden, 'cooncil hoose'. It was a very exciting time.
I can't ever recall my mother even looking at me, never mind being cuddled or loved. My dad did that. Tucked us in at night, gave us a bath and dried our hair, bzzzz bzzzz, rubbing it with a rough, warm towel from the boiler cupboard.
She played the piano all the time. Fur Elise always takes me back to that place.
I was given lessons, but was much too shy to let anyone listen.
I crept around the house incase she got annoyed, feeling anxious all the time. No one spoke much, unless it was a brother or my older sister, to tell you to get out, go away. I still envy happy-looking, laughing families to this day.
We all had activities, dance classes, tennis lessons, scouts, swimming, and were taught good manners and etiquette. I feel that was her showing the outside world what a wonderful mother she was .. (yeah, right)
My dad worked very hard as a French Polisher. Big pieces of furniture sitting the living room waiting to be transformed. Another reason for her to pick a fight about. His kind hands were always covered in varnish. He was quietly funny and gentle with us girls. He was different with the boys, but that's another story ..
They were either fighting or in bed. Nothing in between.
During the night my wee transistor radio would be switched on, ready under a pillow, my hand covering the exposed ear. I know a lot about music.
It was always HER who instigated how the atmosphere in the house would be.
One sunny Sunday afternoon, l walked into the living room and walked straight out again. My mother was out-of-control drunk.
My sweetest dad was as usual, struck dumb-with-shame bullied by his pretty, classy-looking wife spewing obscenities and waving a bottle of her many pills in the air. 'I'VE DONE IT' she screamed then fell.
Normally l was invisible to her, but she crawled over to where l was, stretching out her manicured hand. I felt a surge of love, as l thought she was reaching for me, her young daughter, but it wasn't for me, it was the tumbler of whisky glass on the fireplace. It was the only time she had looked into my eyes. Her lips were blue.
One last breath, then she was dead.
Ever since that day, things were incredibly sad and pitiful for our "family".
Maybe l will tell you about it ..
Comments
insertponceyfre... | June 1, 2012 - 20:48
Welcome to ABC denni1. i really enjoyed this piece. It could do with a bit of an edit - a few typos and missing words etc, but it really held my interest, and i look forward to reading whatever you post next!
denni1 | June 2, 2012 - 14:04
This is the first time l have written anything !! What did you mean, edit and typos ?? Denise
insertponceyfre... | June 3, 2012 - 19:42
below - all little typos - things that you haven't spotted when you reread this for the final time before you posted it. Not a criticism (in a bad way) - just trying to help. Sometimes it works to get someone else to do that final read for you.
I really did enjoy your story!
huge garden cooncil hoose
Fleur Elise. (it's Fur Elise)
but was much to shy
l came back from my friends (not sure - but i think it sounds like one friend, in which case it needs an apostrophe)
incase she got annoyed.
denni1 | June 3, 2012 - 22:27
Oh.. ok. I will take heed of what you have said, but l just write from the heart and in the moment. Do you have any idea why no one has read my poems ?? Will you read them ..
insertponceyfre... | June 4, 2012 - 05:43
writing from the heart and in the moment is a good thing, and you're doing it well - the thing is, when people read your stuff, you want them to concentrate on what you're writing - right? Typos will distract your readers - they'll stop thinking about what you're trying to say - lose the flow - and that would be a shame, because this is worth reading!
About your poems:
I think it's because you put them in the wrong place! I'm not sure how to fix that, so I will send a message to the abc genius. Hopefully then you'll get lots of reads!
denni1 | June 4, 2012 - 09:01
Thanks .. lt was my friend who did all of this, as l wouldn't have !! l understand about the editing and l must do that with my poems. They were literally done in minutes, but friend thought l should have them out there!! When l have time later, l will sort. Also, l don't like their titles on screen. Isn't that crazy ?? Denise
denni1 | June 4, 2012 - 10:11
Hi Denise, it's Emily. Sorry I posted them in the wrong place. I told you I' m not great with technology! I'm sure there's a way to sort it. Alex uses this site too so he might be able to help to get them in the right place.
sid | June 7, 2012 - 20:22
Hi Denise me again. I think this is the start of something great; it's atmospheric, poignant, and packs quite a punch in so few words. Really looking forward to reading more from you
denni1 | June 8, 2012 - 08:03
Mornin Sid .. thank you so much. I appreciate your comments and will have a bash at something else. I have quite a lot of daft poems swirling around my head all the time !! Cheers for your support. Denise
galeforce7 | June 10, 2012 - 16:54
biting stuff - kept me reading right to the end. for a small piece of flash fiction this works well. x
scratch | July 7, 2012 - 10:57
Sid and galeforce are both right, this is hard hitting. Insert does make an important point about proof reading and final editing. Definitely worth doing so that the maximum number of people persevere and read it through, it would be a shame if they didn't.
denni1 | July 7, 2012 - 11:23
Ok, l will take a look later. It's actually what happened when l was 13, so reading or thinking about it takes me back there, although l think l got stuck there !! Thank you so much for bothering to reply xx Denise ..
maggyvaneijk | July 14, 2012 - 10:12
What i really like about this is the narrative style, it's shocking content wise but there's something chatty and friendly about the narrator that makes me believe I'll be able to read more, no matter how harrowing the events will be. Keep writing!
denni1 | July 14, 2012 - 10:51
Hello .. thank you so much. I've edited it this morning, so hava look and if you care to get back to me with anything, l will be happy to hear !! Cheers xx Denise ..
Sooz006 | July 14, 2012 - 12:26
Hiya Denni, welcome to the site and a really strong first piece. Writing from experience is both the hardest thing to write and the easiest. You have done a good job.
To get more reads of your poetry think of the site as a bartering system, if you read and comment for others, they will come back and do the same for you. (well, in fairness, some might.)
I look forward to reading more from you.
Albert-W | October 1, 2012 - 10:08
Firstly, when you said you'd love to hear my comments on your story, dead drunk, I thought you meant you wanted to be heavily inebriated when reading them. Then I twigged.
But I jest.
Yes; it's good. and so descriptive of the sad true-life situations that occur within 'families'.
It's certainly intended to provoke thought and stir the emotions. It did with me.
Excellent!
Albert Woods xx
denni1 | October 1, 2012 - 10:13
Au contraire .. l wrote it, because it's been haunting me all my life. Don't mean to be argumentative, Albert. And l see what you mean, about dead drunk! Eats shoots and leaves, right enough. If you have time, please, please read any of my daft stuff. I've just started writing, in June l think. Me Me Me xx
moonphish | October 1, 2012 - 17:11
moonphish - i was drawn right into the story....you have a wonderful flow to your writing....i'll check out more when i have time
denni1 | October 1, 2012 - 17:12
Oh. Thank you. I would appreciate that very much xx
magicdarer | November 26, 2012 - 21:38
Very well written, honest and hard hitting. It is so sad too.
denni1 | November 27, 2012 - 00:04
'Dead Drunk' is my house in 1968, when l was 13 .. 1st thing l ever wrote in my whole life, but l think about it every day xx thanks for the read Dx
Hades502 | March 18, 2013 - 11:09
Hey Denise,
I have gone a litle out of order before, but decided to start at the beginning here.
Both your parents are actually me. I was the father who took more care of his children, but I was also the drunk.
Go figure. I still live.
Nicely done.
GGHades502
denni1 | March 18, 2013 - 11:13
Oh hello, you. How very sweet to look over my ramblings. I only started writing last summer, so not as fab as all the rest of the Talers .. cheers xx