I've been reading about different forms in poetry and remembered a Pantoum I'd written some time ago. I thought I'd post it here to see what others thought of the form. The basic construct is in quatrains, using the second and forth lines of each stanza as the first and third of the following. The perfect form has the first and last line being the same while the third line of the first stanza is the second line of the last. This proved to be much more difficult to do, which is why I settled on the imperfect form. I hope you enjoy it regardless.
I stumble to the kitchen,
weary, bone-tired and worn
and as the daylight rises,
I stare at the crack of dawn.
Weary, bone-tired and worn,
I wonder how I will last the day.
I stare at the crack of dawn,
wishing the sun was fading away.
I wonder how I will last the day
while I wait for my morning brew,
wishing the sun was fading away;
I could be back in bed with you.
While I wait for my morning brew,
I can hardly contain my scorn;
I could be back in bed with you,
not weary, bone-tired and worn.
Comments
lenchenelf | March 13, 2009 - 10:14
Enjoy it, I did, thank you :-) atb L
SteveM | March 13, 2009 - 11:02
Hi Dynamaso, That's clever. You learn something new every day. Keep them coming.
Silver Spun Sand | March 13, 2009 - 11:03
Right! In the middle of hoovering, I just stumbled on your 'pantoum' so I looked it up in the dictionary and it says:-
"Pantoum, variant of 'pantun'. A Malay verse form, also imitated in French and English, with an 'abab' rhyme scheme."
So there we go:-) I have learned something new today. Thanks for that, Dynamaso.
Enjoyed your poem. Pantoum or whatever, I could certainly identify with it ... especially this morning.
Tina
Dynamaso | March 13, 2009 - 12:07
Lenchenelf, my pleasure. Thanks for the comment.
SteveM, alas mine is not a true pantoum. I tried hard, though. Glad you enjoyed this one, regardless.
Tina, glad to pass something new along and pleased you related to the poem. It is really how I feel some mornings.
jlb | March 13, 2009 - 13:15
I'm not a morning person either :) I like stuff like this, poetry or prose with restrictions (possibly not the right word). Good stuff Dynamaso :)
jennifer | March 13, 2009 - 14:28
I like the poem, although I find the form repetitive as a poetic genre.
Love the line:
'I stare at the crack of dawn.'
superb!
J x
Ewan | March 13, 2009 - 15:10
Pantoums is terrible, terrible tough,
that's why I writes the other stuff.
If mine wuz haffaz good as this,
p'raps I woulden give 'em a miss.
Well done, cobber! These are nails. I have completed (committed?) exactly one in my (admittedly short) career as a dilletante poet... It's on here somewhere, but I don't recommend looking for it.
Smashing.
dilletante | March 13, 2009 - 16:30
A skilfully constructed poem there, Dynamaso, even with a slightly changed form.
Dynamaso | March 13, 2009 - 22:54
JLB, the form is fun to try a few times although it is not something I will be practicing regularly. Thanks for reading and commenting. :)
Jen, as I said to JLB, it is fun to try a few times. I enjoy the discipline of it but then, I can be a glutton for punishment (in a good way, I mean). Glad you enjoyed this one.
Ewan, yeah, they are indeed nails. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone with high stress levels either. It might just undo 'em.
Dilletante, thank you too. I would like to write a 'proper' pantoum at some point. Pleased you like this one as it was.
threeleafshamrock | March 15, 2009 - 19:43
I like this D. Clever and well worked; I learned something new today at least. I think it works very well; must try one sometime. Thanks mate!
Chris
Dynamaso | March 16, 2009 - 00:25
Thanks Chris. Glad you liked it and I'm always happy to share knowledge too. I always consider it a good day when I learn something new which is why I try to learn something new every day. :)