EXT. zoo - Sunday - morning
The Dunphy family walks through the local zoo lead by Claire. Behind her is Phil, holding a tripod. Claire looks strangely determined while Hailey and Alex are annoyed. Claire stops in front of the Zebra cage at the zoo.
OK Phil, so I think if we place the tripod here and you stand there, we can block out the cage and the sign.
Are we seriously doing this in public?
Yeah. What if our friends are here?
Our friends? Only your loser friends would be here on a Sunday.
I would get used to the zoo if I were you. After all, a couple more years and you'll be the one behind bars.
Girls, relax. I doubt any of your friends are here.
Alex points at the Lions cage where Haley's friends are.
Oh my God!
Mi ladies, mi ladies do not fear Phil Dunphy is here. (To Claire) Sorry Honey, I think I am going to have to take commander on this one.
Phil, I really think this would be the best way...
Without a second thought, Phil throws the camera over the cage.
Phil, what are you doing?
Come on Claire. Just don't step on my crouch this time.
Phil moves into position as if he is going to toss her over the cage.
There's no way they can see me like this.
Alex and Haley hide behind a trashcan just as Haley's friends turn and walk by.
Phil! I am not going to let you--
Don't worry! I've tossed girls three times your size.
That's not the point--
Wait! I think I can get through if I just...
Claire and Phil turn and see Luke, trying to push his head through the bars of the cage.
Phil & Claire interview
Claire glares at Phil.
We have this neighbor--
Who tends to--
Think she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants! With her beautiful house, her expensive car, and her rich husband!
Phil glances at Claire.
Did I have the opportunity to work in finance and be a part of the one percent with a beautiful car and big house? Yes. Did I take it? No. You see, I don't need all the money and the luxuries. I'm a simple guy with simple needs. Do I sometimes think of my penthouse with a glass bottom infinity pool and fire pole that leads to my crime fighting cave?
Phil struggles to find an answer.
PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW
AND she thinks her son is so brilliant. As if they were sent from God to cure cancer or something.
Well, he is pretty brilliant.
Did you see his Science Fair project?
He defied gravity with two thousand balloons.
I KNOW PHIL!
Phil looks at the camera with a shocked scared face.
Anyways, so at the beginning of this summer Penny was, of course, bragging about her amazing summer plans to Morocco, so I...I couldn't help myself. I told her we were taking a family trip to Kenya.
Claire looks away from the camera, embarrassed.
Hey, at least we got the photo.
Phil shows a photo of the family blocking out a zoo sign and covering up the zoo cage.
INT. Mall - Sunday - afternoon
Cameron and Mitchell walk though the mall with Lily. Cameron is a lot more adamant on getting to the shops where as Mitchell has a more negative attitude on the situation. They enter a clothing store.
I'm sorry Mitchell but sometimes you just dress too...
What? Straight! Just say it! I know you want to.
I would never say such a thing. I just think you could use a little more color in your wardrobe. That's all.
Are you sure this isn't about what that cashier boy at Walgreens said?
Mitchell, he asked us if we were roommates!
So. Not everyone is going to assume we're together.
I'm sorry, but if it's not obvious why two men, purchasing a months worth of Neutrogena sun tan lotion, holding an Asian baby, would be living together, than either that boy was mentally incapable or...
Or I don't look gay enough?
Cameron starts to go through the store and pick things out.
EXT. Store - Sunday - Afternoon
Stressed about the situation, Mitchell decides to take a breather outside the store. As Mitchell is outside someone taps his shoulder. He turns around to find a shorter tubby girl. Mitchell looks confused.
OH I'm sorry did I get in your way?
MITCH! You don't remember me? Jenny! JENNIFER BRADKINS!
A sudden worried expression comes across Mitchell's face.
Oh my god Jennifer! You live here now?
Yeah! We just moved in like 10 minuets from here!
Int. Store - Sunday - afternoon
Mitchell runs back into the store to find Cameron.
Cam we have to go. Now.
Excuse me! I just found the most adorable rhinestone belt for Lily.
Mitchell starts to pull Cameron out of the store.
We'll come back for it later.
Mitchell & Cameron interview
Mitchell looks incredibly guilty and Cameron is very disappointed crossing his arms looking away from Mitchell.
Jennifer and I used to be best friends freshman year of college. She was so sweet, nice, funny--
Jennifer had this boyfriend, CARL, who I may have had one...or several one nightstands with.
Mitchell acts as if the story is over.
And...one drunken night I may have slept with Jennifer after Carl broke up with her.
And...she declared her love to me.
End of act one
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