Twatters IP

Twatters

1. One day, nothing at all happened. The cars stopped, the shops remained closed and the wind wouldn't blow. God had writer's block.
2. "I love you," he vowed. "There will never be another." He winced as he gingerly removed the charred remains of his underpants.
3. He wolfed Murray Mints, the too good to hurry mints. Opal Fruits never made his mouth water. He sold the secret of the Black Magic box.
4. He bred endangered species. The Blind Musketeers were docile but the Three Mice Brotherhood injured his cat and made off with his cheese.
5. Roger married a lion. "We have so much in common," he said. "I only hope her cubs will accept me as their tamer."
6. Every Sunday Wally fed the swans. They never returned the favour.
7. John got his blow jobs behind the Cat and Fiddle until a friend told him he’d be better off shopping at Asda.
8. “The spices are hot at this time of year,” said Rahul. Yash gave him the microfilm. At last, the secret of Light of India’s special biryani!
9. Andy had his beloved cat stuffed. He was heartbroken when, in the course of the procedure, it died.
10. “My sister,” said Abu, “ate a crocodile. Or was it the other way around? I can never remember.”