Department of Scroungers and Benefit Cheats,
Tel: We’ll call you if we want you.
Further to your letter of several months ago, we have now kept you waiting long enough to show you how insignificant and worthless you are.
You ask whether your benefits will be affected if we hound you to suicide. The answer is, of course, that we would seek to reclaim any and all monies paid to you. If you were contemplating suicide, you obviously had no serious intention of looking for a job.
My personal preference would be to drive you to the brink of suicide but not over it. That way we can keep up the pressure for much longer. I have often wished I could see the results of the forms we send out: you'd think that scroungers could be made to have television cameras in their homes. Instead I must just imagine your pain. Please write and tell me about it.
Die slowly and not too soon,
Don’t Blame Me, I’m Only Doing My Job.