Least of Gifts

Really enjoyed this, it has a great flow. The images and rhymes are fresh and original and avoid ever becoming too contrived, loved the last two stanzas also, very powerful.

The only thing I would say is that the last stanza might read better with an extra syllable in the first line, something like:

'because all these things
with broken wings
cannot reflect her beauty'

This would fit better with the rhythm that you have developed throughout the course of the poem. Of course your intention may be to deliberately cut the flow of the piece short to increase the impact of the final few lines, in which case feel free to ignore me!

Thank you very much for your comments on my effort. Much appreciated. I see what you mean about the last stanza but you were right about wanting to cut the flow at that point. That is why the penultimate verse talks about words neglecting duty. But thank you again for giving it so much thought. Ken

Hi Ken, I too liked this one. Normally I find sing-song rhyming poetry as irritating as hell, flipping cat/mat syndrome. Just ocassionally I read one that doesn't grate on my nevers, these are usually humerous verses ... but thisone was the same. I was able to read and enjoy it without wanting to throw the lap top across the room.

Glad it did not make you want to throw valuable equipment.