Lemon, Orange and Plum

I stood on a pink platform and beheld the heavens. The breathtaking beauty came into my eyes likened to the first light of birth. Little dots began flowing towards me from my left.

As they came closer...I could see faces inside the dots. Then I could see that they were clear bubbles. The bubbles swirled around in what felt like a slight breeze. I began to recognize some of the faces as family and friends.

There were even faces from people I had met on the internet. Some were smiling, some frowning and some with crazy looks in their eyes.

I wiggled my toes into the soft like platform surface....pink shag carpet came to mind. Voices began coming from some of the bubbles. It was mumbles at first and then I could clearly understand,"Pass through the gates!"

The face of a close friend floated by and I could see his eyes looking behind me. I turned and saw a wondrous sight! A massive willow tree with long white shoots flowed down to the top of beautiful pear1y white gates.

I heard pleasant voices and laughter from behind the gates. In blissful joy...I ran towards them and then through the gates. I suddenly looked back and saw the platform reeling up and in like a bridge over a castle moat.

Sudden darkness! I could see nothing! I felt movement and then I felt like I was inside a washing machine. I heard crunching and humming.

I felt myself sliding and then splashing into what fell like watered down jelly. I began swimming and shouting,"Help...help...I can't swim!"

A bright light blinded me. The light looked only a few yards away. I heard a British voice say,"Stand up mate...it's only three feet deep."

Sure enough...I lowered my legs and stood up with ease. I shouted,"Where is this...who are you?" The British voice calmly said,"Don't have to shout...you'd know my voice if you ever listened to the radio or watched the Tele."

I thought for a moment, chuckled and said,"You sound like Ringo Starr." He sang a few bars of 'Yellow Submarine' and said,"I'll give you this flashlight if you help me find Freddy."

He stuck the flashlight under his chin and I could see...it was indeed, Ringo Starr. He was yellow and fat...very yellow and very fat. Before I could ask about finding Freddy...he said,"Freddy got mad at me because I thought the name,'Queen' was a silly name for a male band...he really got angry when I suggested,'Fruit Salad."

I shouted,"Wow...Freddy Mercury is here too!" Ringo snipped back,"Wow...you didn't say that when you discovered that an original Beatle was in your presence."

I apologetically said,"I didn't mean to come off that way...but...wow...Freddy Mercury..he is my all time favorite singer!" Ringo rolled his eyes and said,"Yeah, yeah, yeah...everybody loves Freddy."

I suddenly came to my senses and asked,"What is this place...where are we?" Ringo shined his flashlight back on me...up...then down and said,"You're purple...you must be a grape...no...plum maybe?" I asked,"What are you talking about?"

Ringo stuck the flashlight under his chin again...smiled wide and said,"Flavors mate...I'm a lemon drop...Freddy is an orange and you are most definitely a plum."

I desperately said,"That's nuts...I thought this was supposed to be heaven...I went through the pearly gates." Ringo grinned and said,"Only preachers are nut flavored." Then he laughed saying,"Pearly Gates...what a nitwit...those were front teeth...gap....I guess you missed the extremely large white mustache above them?"

I nervously said,"I thought it was a willow tree." Ringo laughed harder...started splashing and rolling in the thick fluid and screaming,"And the tongue...did you think it was a divine balcony?"

I shouted,"Are you telling me that I was eaten?" Ringo's laugh calmed to a chuckle as he said,"Just consider it an acid trip....stomach acid." I said,"This has to be a dream...I'm a plum in a stomach talking to Ringo Starr who is looking for Freddy Mercury."

I looked at Ringo and asked,"Why am I a plum?"

Ringo thought for a moment and said,"Laxative maybe.....OH SHIT!"