Indistinguishable
An empty room calls you back.
Ice cold, indistinguishable.
You are distilled through it
leaving only hair in the plughole
and a breeze of perfume.
Your colour paints its walls
Thick, warm and red, its facade
melts like some prehistoric man.
The radiator hums, misses a beat,
light flickers, unsure, then shows
green, black, red the flesh.
You came like some movie star
to thaw it out, the carpet
curls, resentful.
How dare you?
A happy home in its isolation, looks
came and went, no buyers.
But you invested more than money.
It stood firm before you came,
impervious to rain and shine
now cracks appear, little leaks.
Doors and latches open, into
some Cimmerian darkness.
It stands now open to thieves,
retching with tears.
Two magpies perched.
Stronger now for the invasion.
A small green room repainted red.
Your two cold feet and need to roam,
Thawed it out and called it home.
Comments
fatboy74 | November 23, 2011 - 12:03
This has plenty that is excellent particularly:
It stood firm before you came,
impervious to rain and shine
now cracks appear, little leaks.
Doors and latches open, into
some Cimmerian darkness.
It stands now open to thieves,
retching with tears.
Two magpies perched.
Although I do it myself (pot/kettle etc) i'm never sure about ending lines that rhyme when there has been only half-rhyme and internal rhyme before. Anyway, well done. :-)
shoe | November 23, 2011 - 12:20
Lots to like, I particularly like verses 2, 4 and 5, some very rich imagery.
Blessing | November 23, 2011 - 13:36
I like your expressions.
london_calling79 | November 23, 2011 - 18:27
Thanks all! I do agree with fat boy. I like my poems to end with a crescendo but rhyming does seem simplistic. It's a habit I have been trying to wean myself off and have hopefully succeeded in my newer stuff.