Invited into your private space
The initial human reticence disgarded
This space belongs to you
Yet I tresspass on it and pay you for it
In that time I am in your space
Your protected space
You take me on a journey
Ultimately you take me where I want to go
During that time I am in your embrace
Sometimes slightly musky sometimes
Clinically perfumed
Sometimes I sense your unwillingness
Is that unwillingness my uncomfort
Of the tresspass
Or is it really you? In such cases I try not to care
And focus on my own selfish goals
I have learnt from you, most of you
In what is one of the oldest professions
I know I am using you
But maybe you are using me too
Many of you have taken me to far off places
Our auras inter-twined in usually small spaces
Your ethnic music or cheesy disco hits
Do not detract, try as they might, from the task at hand
Perhaps all these things are to put you at ease not me
Your choice of music it's yours not mine
While I ride, sometimes I catch your eye
Furry symbols of chance our symbiosis deny
But sometimes we bond beyond our intercourse
sharing moments of commoness
Two humans so different
Yet locked in exploitative unity
In the now silent music
The twisting and meanderings
And stop start of your way
It becomes almost unbearable
I need to ejaculate my appreciation
Of you and your skill
While we ride, and beyond that final event
When I press my hand in yours
As I close the door I still feel you
Those are the happy ones
But I don't pay you more
If I love you, my driving whore
Comments
Sooz006 | July 15, 2012 - 20:35
I such cases I try not to care...in
I catch you eye... your
unwillingness my uncomfort... discomfort.
Furry symbols of chance our symbiosm deny... I don't understand this line. Did she have furry eyes? Do you mean Furious?
And what does symbiosm mean? I couldn't find it in the dictionary. Always on the look-out for new words.
Wow... okay I've come to the end ... and the furry eye thing kind of makes sense, but still doesn't quite work, it's almost there I get the look in the rear view but it still indicates that it's the eyes that are furry.
Right this is clever. I like it... I actually preferred it if it was the other profession(Trying not to give a spoiler here) Because of the hard honesty.
I'll let you have the intercourse line, (just) even though it's very misleading you can get away with that.
But my lovely, there is no way you can deceive the reader with, Beyond my need to ejaculate, Change that line and it works well. I'd prefer that you change the intercourse line as well.
Very clever poem. Nice one.
magicdarer | July 15, 2012 - 23:03
Sooz, thanks so much for the long look at my poem. It's still in progress, like a lot of my work so really appreciate the feedback. You also had me in stiches by the way you were giving that feedback so i loved that aspect too. The spelling i think has now been rectified... and that issue with that strange word is now sorted. You have boosted my ego no end tonight so thanks. Have a look at the furry issue again it might make more sense now. All the best. Md
magicdarer | July 28, 2012 - 21:39
Glad my revisions and retitling drew a cherry pair from the editors' coveted tree, thank you.