(Mikey sits with ‘father’ Peter in confession booth)
Mikey: Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Peter: No shit, care for a swig? (offers Mikey a bottle of bourbon through the door)
Mikey: No thanks, I slept off my last hangover during mass.
Peter: (shrugs) You still paid more attention than anyone in my flock. So what’s the problem today?
Mikey: Oh the usual, parents bugging me, boss hassling me, there’s someone in my trunk.
Peter: How’d he get in there?
Mikey: Climbed in to take a nap, didn’t know he was there, what the hell do you think? I put him in there.
Peter: Well it is possible. Last time I was in a trunk it was quite comfortable.
Mikey: Really, what kind of car was it?
Peter: A Prius.
Mikey: The hybrid?
Peter: Yeah, very nice, cheap too.
Mikey: I’ll be damned.
Peter: Where’s Jimmy?
Mikey: He’s the one in my trunk.
Peter: Really? Shame, I liked his mom, woman made nice pasta.
Mikey: It was Ragu.
Peter: No shit?
Mikey: No shit. Let’s get outta here, I’m getting claustrophobia again.
Peter: Meet me outside, I got some business…
(10 minutes later)
Peter: (pulling off gloves) Ok, let’s go.
Mikey: I think I left my coat in the sin box, can I go back?
Peter: Yeah…that ain’t gonna happen.
Mikey: What?
Peter: You know Jimmy Salvatori?
Mikey: Yeah, what about him?
Peter: Let’s just say he’s confessing somewhere else right now, and that box is going with him.
Mikey: Don’t tell me you torched my coat.
Peter: I’ll buy you a new one out of the collection plate, don’t worry.
(they head off down the street)
Peter: So what’s up with you and Jimmy?
Mikey: Caught him sneaking around in my house.
Peter: In you house?
Mikey: Yeah, in my sister’s room.
Peter: Damn, think he has it in for you?
Mikey: I don’t know, I guess so, he seemed like such a nice guy.
Peter: So did Sammy Bronco.
Mikey: Yeah I saw what you did to him, that was fucked up, closed casket and everything.
Peter: How far away did you park?
Mikey: Docks.
Peter: The docks? That’s like a mile away!
Mikey: As apposed to the front of a crowded church? It’s bad enough you’re burning believers on the weekdays…
(20 minutes later)
Mikey: How you doing Jimmy? (bangs on top of car trunk)
Jimmy: Let me out of here, Mikey. You don’t know what you’re doing!
Peter: Boy, he sounds pissed. (rests arm on trunk)
Jimmy: Is that Petey? Peter, let me out of here or I’ll fucking kill you.
Mikey: With what? (Hits trunk again, four shots ring out, making holes in the roof. Peter’s pinky disappears. Peter grabs his hand)
Peter: Oww! Oww! Oww! Jesus, you said you took his gun!
Mikey: Well I did, he must have another.
Peter: Well my missing pinky is not amused! Help me find it.
Jimmy: Let me out, Peter! I won’t hurt you.
Peter: You just blew off my favorite finger, and you expect me to let you out?
Jimmy: oh…sorry.
Mikey: Here it is. (Tosses Peter his pinky. Peter sets it on the trunk)
Peter: Thanks, now help me kill this prick.
Mikey: I ain’t going near that trunk, pinky boy.
Peter: Then let’s push him in the river.
Mikey: But that’s a new car! (Peter pushes car in neutral and heads back around)
Jimmy: Look I really didn’t do anything!
Mikey: Then why were you in my house?
Jimmy: I’m with your sister.
Mikey: Bull.
Jimmy: Call her up then!
(Mikey takes out his phone)
Mikey: You better not be bull shitting us
Mikey: Hey Sandy, it’s Mike. Yeah, look I don’t care…put it in a new container and sprinkle it with garlic…yeah it’ll retain its flavor!
Peter: What are you a chef?
Jimmy: There something we should know about you, Mikey?
Mikey: Quiet, look Sandy, are you going out with Jimmy?....uh huh…really?...really?...you know you can do a lot better.
Jimmy: Hey!
Mikey: All right…all right….talk to you later.
(Mikey hangs up)
Peter: Well?
Mikey: He’s telling the truth, get him outta the car.
Peter: Uh…where is the car?
Mikey: Oh come on!
(Mikey and Peter take off after the rolling car, which is heading for the edge of the docks. It lands in the river with a loud splash)
Mikey: Damn it that was a nice car.
Peter: I left my pinky on the trunk.
Mikey: What?
Peter: I lost my pinky.
Mikey: Well...that's a bitch...
THE END
