"I feel old. But not very wise." - Jenny Mellor
Facebook, the graveyard of past best friends.
I find that, at twenty, one has a twelve-week scan
as their profile picture. Tiny fists like little bunches
of static. The ballooning white arc of the head
chalked onto the crackling black.
A lad who once dated the baby's mother
got married last month, has a kid of his own,
and is off to serve in Afghanistan.
My mother was married at twenty.
At thirteen, twenty was a scary age.
It was "proper grown-up an' that".
Now I'm not so sure what it means
to be grown-up. Or if I'm there yet.
So, I can cook risotto and know
what a garlic crusher looks like.
I have postage stamps and paracetemol
in my purse. I pay rent.
I bear the scars and scraped knees
from the first time I fell in love.
I wonder what my third decade holds;
maybe I'll get a tattoo in Chinese or Sanskrit,
on my ankle or the bottom of my back.
Maybe I'll indulge a few more clichés
and take a French lover who will teach me
that 'oui' can hold far more breath than 'yes'.
We will smoke Gauloises cigarettes
in bed after we have made love,
a crystal ashtray lying in the valley
of white sheets between our knees...
I still haven't seen America or Japan.
In daydreams I see the soft white and orange
water-colours of a Koi pond in Hiroshima,
and the black lines of buildings in Brooklyn.
I don't know what the future holds,
but I'm sure I'll spend my years
as most twenty-something women do,
trying not to turn into my mother,
and by doing so...become her.
Comments
skinner_jennifer | October 7, 2011 - 17:18
Wow! your birthday Magic, Happy belated birthday
wishes to you.
'At thirteen, twenty was a scarey age.' I really
loved that line. At thirty, I thought sixty was a
scarey age, but now I'm almost there, it's not bad at all, I don't feel any different, except my body feels different.
You go and see America and Japan and any other
country you want to see, because you find you
have'nt got the energy later in life.
I loved that last bit, about becoming like your
Mother, it's so true.
You have written a brilliant piece here, which I got
a lot of pleasure from reading.
Thankyou Magic.xxx
Jenny.
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 17:26
Hi Jenny! My birthday is actually this Sunday, just wanted to get this one on ABC beforehand :-) So thanks for the early birthday wishes, and glad you liked this one!
Magic xxx
skinner_jennifer | October 7, 2011 - 17:29
Hi again Magic,
hope you have a really enjoyable Sunday and let your
hair down girl.
Jenny.xxx
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 17:35
Thanks Jenny! My parents are coming up to Durham to take me out for lunch then I'm having a meal with my friends in the evening - followed by a fair bit of drinking ;-)
Magic xxx
skinner_jennifer | October 7, 2011 - 17:41
Another message for you from me for Sunday.
http://vodpod.com/watch/1101883-stevie-wonder-happy-birthday
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 17:50
Awww thanks, Jenny :-) I'll listen to it again on Sunday!
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | October 7, 2011 - 18:45
Hi there, Magic;-)
A 'special poem' indeed, and I shall be with you in spirit on Sunday whilst you are celebrating. (If only by toasting you with my customary, evening gin and tonic...if you get my drift(;-)
Seriously though, a wonderful poem, written from the heart. The best kind;-)
Tina xxx
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 19:09
Thank you, Tina! And thanks in advance for the G&T toast ;-)
Magic xxx
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 19:11
Hi there, Julie. I'm sure I'll be quite the glutton on Sunday too. Thanks for reading!
Magic xxx
Highhat | October 7, 2011 - 20:55
I also hope you get to travel Magic. I'm sure you will!
I think it is good you wrote your sentiments down here. You will not be a teenager anymore from Sunday!
I hope you have a wonderful day
atb
;)Pia
insertponceyfre... | October 7, 2011 - 22:16
a beautiful poem Magic - and many happy returns in advance. Plenty of time for Japan and America
Cavalcaderl | October 7, 2011 - 22:28
.
agnelli | October 7, 2011 - 22:35
Really lovely poem. FYI - I love the stamps in the purse, and the post coital Gauloise. I also think these are very grown up things! (or at least I did in my 20s - now recently departed..) I think the trick with writing is often to find universal resonances, experiences and images that make other peoples ears prick up, and this poem is full of them.
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 22:42
Thanks for reading, Pia! The USA, Japan, Italy and New Zealand are top of my list! I'll send you postcards when I get there ;-)
Magic xxx
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 22:43
Thank you for the advance wishes, insert!
Much love, magic xxx
MistakenMagic | October 7, 2011 - 22:45
Hello there, agnelli! Glad you found resonance in this piece ;-)
Magic xxx
rjnewlyn | October 8, 2011 - 00:06
That's strange - I think I bought a garlic crusher at around 20 as well. Maybe everyone does that. Have a good time when it comes and I hope you haven't scheduled anything in for Monday morning.
Rob
FTSE100 | October 8, 2011 - 06:47
When I was twenty I tried to make a curry from a tin of pilchards. Garlic crushers were way beyond me.
Have a wonderful birthday
Paul
MistakenMagic | October 8, 2011 - 12:25
Hi Rob! I've got a Toni Morrison seminar at 11am, but that's better than my 9am Age of Chivalry lecture last year ;-) Thanks for reading!
Magic xxx
MistakenMagic | October 8, 2011 - 12:26
They're a bit beyond me too, Paul. I know what one looks like, doesn't mean I know how to use it ;-)
Magic xxx
Cavalcaderl | October 8, 2011 - 17:11
New MistakenMagic
Hello! A very Happy BIRTHDAY
for Sunday have fun at Durham.
And your parents. We remember, restaurant
or cafe called St Andrews way back, we were
a glutton! for delicious ice creams dribbled
with sauces. He is plump already, bad for him.
Love the poem all different ages, and thoughts
of life! Doesn't seem long ago, when you were
18 I tried Happy Birthday poem for you.
fUN LAUGHTER fine Weather hugs and kisses xx
Many congrats; on the Birthday Cherries!
Happy Birthday Happy Birthday
To you
Sweet Twenty is very young
Try on all the styles 'Jimmy' shoes
Now the cherries
Have appeared
Raise your glass and cheers
Wow! good night "Waterstnones" 'Erinnmet'
launch of book 'Starlings'. But homemade
cream cakes, she made, and read part of her novel.
So like you said I did get surprise! Four take home!
too. And another poet read. I showed Abc Mag; most,
as had it in my bag carry now.
all the best
julie xxx
Kilb50 | October 10, 2011 - 16:35
A very enjoyable - and wise - poem, Magic. jennifer is right: explore America and Japan and Italy as soon as you can...I've barely enough energy these days to visit Sainsbury's! All best wishes on your birthday, Mark.
MistakenMagic | October 10, 2011 - 18:56
Thank you, Mark! As soon as my student loan permits, I'll be grabbing my backpack ;-) Thanks for reading and for the birthday wishes!
Magic xxx
RachelPatricia | October 11, 2011 - 17:25
Happy belated birthday to you,
happy belated birthday to you,
happy belated birthday, dear Magic,
happy belated birthday to you!!!
- hiphip, hooray! :)
Sorry I missed the actual day but hope you had a brilliant time - another fine slice of poetry from your good self. I'm sure as anything that your third decade will bring you all the glories you deserve, Magic - with poetry as good as this, I'd say it's a dead cert ;)
Many congrats and am really excited to see your 100th piece on here by the way!
Take care and hope you're recovering well ;D
Rachel xx
MistakenMagic | October 11, 2011 - 20:21
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Rachel! :-) I know, one cherry off a hundred! I'm excited!
Magic xxx
SundaysChild | October 14, 2011 - 19:04
A wonderful poem Magic- much enjoyed. Have a smashing birthday :)
MistakenMagic | October 14, 2011 - 19:31
Thanks for reading, Sunday, and for the birthday wishes!
Magic xxx
Nathan Bednarek | August 20, 2012 - 13:00
Forgive me for such a late comment... Have been somewhat busy... :( by that I mean a drop-on-my-face messed up schedule.
As you know, my beliefs mean that I cannot wish you a happy birthday, but I happily wish you a lifetime of happiness and a successful pursuit of honourable goals. At this tender age the fear of becoming an adult and cultivating a responsible attitude towards that inevitable stage of your life in many ways will be the very thing that'll drive you as a person, a human being and a poet.
I am proud of what you have obviously achieved already.
All the best.
Nathan.
P.s. A cracking poem ;)