It stands to attention
like a redcoat,
lost in self-importance.
I curse it!
Just another whore in a red dress
on any street corner.
Its eyes follow me
as I walk past,
accusing me with its stupid flat head!
It says, “I am waiting.
I know you hear
that empty rumble of my belly.”
Finally, I give in.
Try to shove the letter
into its anxious mouth.
But the envelope
is bloated with anger
and hangs like a cow’s fat tongue.
In frustration I stamp the letter
into the grass until
I can no longer hear its screams.
The address slides in a black web
over the white … hollow words
scuttle away like spiders.
Comments
Nathan Bednarek | January 28, 2009 - 17:26
Nice, very nice, nice again! ;-p
A lovely poem Magic, well done.
Nathan.
tamara (not verified) | January 28, 2009 - 17:29
Wow,Magic!what an intelligent,original approach!
Some lovely lines here and a fabulous build up to a smashing finale,
'The address slides in a black web
over white ... hollow words
scuttle away like spiders.'
I actually have experienced this scenario when posting certain letters!Fabulous work.x
jennifer | January 28, 2009 - 17:47
This is superb. Really superb. Possibly one of your best?
I especially loved the cleverness of the phrasing ofL
'But the envelope
is bloated with anger
and hangs like a cow’s fat tongue.'
The emotion is captured perfectly and the use of figurative language is also excellent.
J x
MistakenMagic | January 28, 2009 - 17:58
Thank you Lynne and Nathan for your feedback :)
And wow! Jen! Possibly one of my best? Thank you! I've been so worried recently that my writing isn't what it used to be so your comment has really helped me ;)
Magic xxx
jennifer | January 28, 2009 - 18:05
Oh, thank you! I think the simplicity of the structure also adds to it.
And don't worry - I have always found that my writing fluctuates, and that sometimes, for a while, it just doesn't 'come'. You may have noticed I didn't post at all over Christmas...this is not because I was busy, I just didn't/couldn't write for a while! (And if I did, it wasn't good enough to post!)
J x
MistakenMagic | January 28, 2009 - 18:24
What a coincidence; I was suffering from the same 'poetry cold'. But if it's any consellation I did miss reading your work over Christmas and the pieces you have returned with are excellent! (Especially 'Teachologue' - possibly one of your best!)
Magic xxx
threeleafshamrock | January 28, 2009 - 18:32
This is great Magic! Very clever.
Chris X
MistakenMagic | January 28, 2009 - 18:39
Thank you Chris ;) Well done on your recent cherry by the way!
Magic xxx
Ewan | January 28, 2009 - 19:04
Further to Jen's comments (and your own above) I have so little idea of the value of what I produce that unless it is really, really poor I just post it anyway. Most likely that shows. Often what doesn't work is more informative than what does.
Lovely, sneaky, clever poem above by the way.
FTSE100 | January 28, 2009 - 19:43
Brilliant.
MistakenMagic | January 28, 2009 - 19:57
Thank you to Ewan and FTSE! And I agree Ewan, it's always better to post and learn than not post at all ;)
Magic xxx
luigi_pagano | January 29, 2009 - 20:06
Dear sweet seventeen. What a lovely poem, imbued with original lines. Yes, I too would class it among your best. This is reflected by the fact it has been cherried and I notice that you are harvesting quite a few. Well done.
Luigi xxx
Silver Spun Sand | January 30, 2009 - 09:45
Magic - what else is there left to say. It has all been said and I agree with every word. Certainly one of your best, in your own inimitable style. Keep on wowing us, please:-)
Tina xxx
MistakenMagic | January 30, 2009 - 23:19
Thank you so much for your comments Tina and Luigi! I'm glad you enjoyed it ;)
Magic xxx