'Have you grown?' said Larry to Mick.
'Why do you ask?' said Mick to Larry.
'Your head seems closer to the ceiling,' said Larry.
'Come to think of it...' said Mick.
'What?' said Larry.
'So does yours.'
Larry & Mick looked up at the ceiling, down to the floor, then across at each other.
Larry scratched his chin.
Mick tugged on both earlobes.
'What thinks you, friend Larry?'
'I think, friend Mick...'
Mick raised both his eyebrows.
'...that it could be the carpet.'
'The new one, with the brown swirls and pink floral in-betweeny-bits?'
'They very same.'
'The one that we laid over the top of the white fluffy one with the green splodges and a 3-inch pile?'
'Yes, that fellow.'
'Without recourse to underlay?'
'That would be the chap.'
'Which, in turn, we laid over the industrial strength dull terracotta Flotex jobbie?'
'Which, in turn-'
'I think we have a problem.'
'A problem, Larry?'
'I think we have become addicted to carpets.'
'Addicted to what?' said the therapist.
'Carpets,' said Larry & Mick simultaneously.
'Carpets?' said the therapist.
'Lemons,' said Larry.
'Lemons?' said the therapist.
'Turnips,' said Mick.
'Turnips?' said the therapist.
'No! Carpets!' said Larry & Mick simultaneously.
'I thought you said "lemons,' said the therapist to Mick.
'No, I said "lemons,' said Larry.
'I said turnips,' said Mick.
'But what's all this about carpets?' said the therapist.
'We have a problem,' said Larry.
'I don't sell carpets,' said the therapist.
'We don't want to buy one!' said Mick.
'We want to be cured of our addiction to them,' said Larry.
'Cured?' said the therapist.
'Of your addiction?'
'Of our addiction.'
'Let's find another therapist,' said Larry.
And so they did.
'I don't deal with carpet addiction,' said therapist#2.
'You don't deal with carpet addiction?' said Larry (but not Mick, who was sitting in the corner doing a bit of origami with a leaflet on Indian Head Massage).
'I deal with fruit addiction, chair addiction, cactus addiction, green leafy vegetable addiction, gerbil addiction, trouser addiction, pen-top addiction, small pebble addiction, toothpaste addiction, cushion addiction, power tool addiction, toast addiction, Sainsbury's Tomato And 3-Bean Soup addiction, origami addiction, Burt Reynolds addiction, Weetabix addiction, dirty bits of wood addiction, worm addiction, cardigan addiction, rug addiction, concrete addiction, smelly sock addiction, cheese addiction, armpit addiction, elbow addiction, nipple hair addiction, turnip addiction, lemon addiction, therapist addiction, teaspoon addiction and dried fig addiction, but not... and I cannot stress this enough... NOT...'
Larry & Mick looked at therapist#2.
'Let's find a new therapist,' said Larry.
And so they did.
Therapist#3 was brilliant. She (for twas a 'she') cured Larry & Mick of their carpet addiction within the first five minutes. She did, however, keep them talking about their childhoods and their preferred brands of washing up liquid for the following three-and-a-half hours. And charged them Â£412 for the pleasure. Which Larry & Mick thought was rather steep. Nevertheless...
'We're cured!' they declared (simultaneously), as the stepped out of the office of therapist#3.
And on the way back to Larry's they stopped off at One-Stop and bought two dozen brands of washing up liquid.
'Oh dear,' said Mick, as he emptied the One-Stop bags onto Larry's table.
Larry re-opened the Yellow Pages under 'T.'
[ FIN ]