Russian Doll

Intricate words work very well for the subject, a delightful read :-)

Thank you for taking the time to give feedback, that's really kind.

A very beautiful poem ,russiandoll. I really enjoyed.

:)) thank you Beeme

I liked your poem, line four might go (for me) as 'where there's one, there's one more'. However, I appreciate that you might wish to accentuate that there is more than one layer. Even so, this alternative version highlights the 'onion skin' nature of the матрушка. That said, it throws the rhythm off!

The last stanza is very good indeed.

Anyway, thought this might make you laugh...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfeFDEl6_lw&feature=featured

regards
Ewan

LOL! That's so cool!!! Thanks Ewan :)

You learn something new everyday...

Thanks for your feedback too - the last stanza is also my favourite of the three.

Thanks so much for the cherry ABCtales - I'm well chuffed! :)))))

I've just come back from my history trip to Russia - St Petersburg and Moscow! I must have bought about 7 or 8 Russian dolls as presents for my family! Love the rhythm in this!

Magic xxx

I like this a very great deal. There's something extraordinarily clever about the rhythm. I wonder if you intended it or whether it's that you have such a good ear.
The rhythm uses trochees and dactyls and that's what makes it kind of rush along, like a train. Or perhaps, galloping like horses. A bit reminiscent of the Charge of the Light Brigade which might be appropriate, given the Russian theme.
The thing I really like though is that in the second stanza, the rhythm changes at, 'Be calm ...' which the way I read it, is a spondee. This makes the reader slow down in order to speak the accented words right. Then you have the word whisper which adds to the feeling of calming.
Sorry, I'm taking a long time to say this. What I mean is: the words you've used actually re-inforce the metre change in a quite delightful way.
I think it's a super poem.

Helvigo Jenkins

Wow, thanks guys :)

MistakenMagic I have 3 sets of Russian Dolls, I think they're just excellent. I can remember seeing one for the first time as a child and just falling in love with her. So, I think your family will be very happy about their presents... how lovely.

Helvigo I'm afraid I don't really know the meaning of the specialist terms you've used but wow! Thanks :) The overall tone of the poem was intended as being gentle and almost whispered with peaceful pauses. This poem was inspired by the idea of hearing my Mum's aspirations for me from beyond the grave - a kind of reminder to myself of what she wanted me to keep in my heart, I think. That was the start of the poem and then it blended into thoughts of accepting change in life and how that feeds into nurturing of the self and of others.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks again for all feedback - very much appreciated.

I won't bore you with a long explanation as it'll get a bit technical and I don't wish to bore you. I mentioned those things in my posting because I assumed you knew about it as you'd carried it off so well. It's even better that you'd done it 'by ear' as it were.
However, if you're interested, there are lots of books about poetry that can do the subject full justice. Most of them are dry and academic but Stephen Fry wrote a book which is very readable. I think it's called 'The Ode Less Travelled' or something like that. You may enjoy it. The title is a homage to one of my favourite poems by Robert Frost.
"I took the road less travelled by, and that has made all the difference."

Helvigo Jenkins

Thanks Helvigo, I will keep an eye out for the Stephen Fry book as I like his style very much.

It is 'The Ode Less Travelled' I'm not sure I care so much for the subtitle though. The following link will show how badly I learned the invaluable lessons in it. I do advise getting hold of the book, it is really good.

http://www.abctales.com/story/ewan/metric-mnemonic

Ewan's little mnemonic is a good one. I developed another way which might be helpful too.
I made myself pronounce each word to reflect the accent (stress) so that I remember them.
So...
i-amb tiTUM
troc-hee TUMti
an-a-paest titiTUM
dac-tyll-ic TUMtiti
spon-dee TUMTUM

I had to cheat a little for dactyl but it works for me.

Helvigo Jenkins

'Whisper to your smaller selves,'

I love this line and the poem is really beautifully crafted. I think we are all 'Russian Dolls' in a way. Enjoyed. Well done.

Nathan.

Yes I think so too Nathan.

Thank you :)

Class act! Enjoyed this very much ;)

Thanks :))

good imagery nice poem.

Thank you :)

you are most very welcome; the truth is the easiest thing to say.
;)

Nice. Great rhythm, as noted above.

I feel like the words mimic the intricate designs on Russian Dolls - I like it... I see them, side by side. Beautiful.

Thanks guys, am really happy with this piece and appreciate your feedback :))

Very, very good stuff again...

Thank you Archie - your comment is very much appreciated :)