ASBO

Very nice bit of observation, the pigeon descriptions are my favourite bit, no doubt she will return on the morrow!

To the not quite yet blind drunks - brilliant line. Although a bird theme theme this feels very different to your last in terms of style. Are you really going to carry on with the one a month? as Blighters says you are being read heaviley and I don't think two a month would feel like carpet bombing the site. ATB fatboy :-)

Thank you all for the feedback, it's really helpful and very much appreciated.

.

Thanks Blighters - don't those characters want to make you vomit.

I try to mask the astringency of what I write - not in an attempt to be 'clever' or anything but to catch the perpetrators off-guard, lull them gently and then expose them to their prejudices and preconceptions.

Thanks for the observation about my comments - that really means a lot.

Scratch.

Shoe, she certainly will.

Thanks for posting.

Fatboy74,

Thank you for the post. I tried to overload the poem with 'seeing' references and that line is one of them. Regarding the bird theme, I'm glad that you mentioned it this poem nearly got posted with the title "Pigeons".

Finally; you know when you do something and then gradually develop a sinking feeling? I can't think of a more prissy or precious assertion than "I will post a maximum of one piece a month". What on earth was I thinking?

I suppose that it was born of all sorts of anxieties - like overdoing it, boring people, being judged etc. You may see that I have edited the profile to reflect this realization of stupidity!

I will post more frequently. My confidence in the process has grown and that has happened in large part because of people like you.

Scratch.

This is very well written and constructed piece, I like the narrative format. There's so many clearly defined details. Write some more please!

Very well Written indeed Scratch

Thankyou

Well Maggie, You couldn't spend more than a couple of hours here without realising the depth and breadth of the quality of your writing. Thank you for the comment, I was delighted. I must say that I was unsure about pursuing the narrative format, but I think that on balance it works - as long as the poetic language is strong enouh to carry it along. Thanks once again.

PS. Congratulations on the award of story of the year!

Nice one, scratch, lots of good pictures in this and I really liked:

...she limps
With her world in plastic bags
Through a forest of CCTV in
Slippers under multilayered clothes to the
Mayors Gardens on bowed
Ulcerated legs...

I could see it so clearly; in fact I could almost smell that poor woman. Great stuff!

I have to admit, I was attracted by your clever title ASBO. You seem to have captured an inner city atmosphere here, CCTVs, Health and Safety bollocks; Keep of this, keep off that – well, where the fuck can I go then? The hopelessness and the depredation. And your final line: Another act of charity in Everytown... Cue music maestro: Ghost Town, The Specials. You nailed it, mate.

Well done!

sue

Thanks Sue, a wonderful and insightful comment on what (for me) is a very narrative piece, I am so, so glad that you liked it.

Big smile on my face Sue. Thanks once again.

I could feel the damp cold seeping into my bones.
Keep it going, great narrative.

Thanks Tarquin, I realise now that this should be a prose piece - because large swathes of it certainly isn't poetry. I think that the second and fourth stanza stand up but the rest? - no on reflection.

Absolutely fantastic, it gave me tingles. I think you should be perfectly happy with it the way it is, I wouldn't change a word of it.

To me, fact that some of it may not read like traditional poetry is irrelevant, it's all the better for it. In my head there was no doubt I was reading 'poetry' I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you. :)

I am smiling, my confidence has plummeted of recent weeks and your comment has lifted my spirit, thank you.

No problem Scratch, glad I helped you feel a bit better :)

Great write scratch, stop sandbagging and open the gates to your gallery of genius flowing from your pen.

Yeah, open those gates and let the people enjoy your goodies.

Yeah, open those gates and let the people enjoy your goodies.

Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement

And Dez, What can I say apart from a huge Thank You for the very generous, thoughtful and wonderfully inspiring gift that you were kind enough to send to me. Your friend Ron has a talent and no mistake; I can see why you look to him as a mentor.

Thanks to one and all.

I think this is a very interesting piece. I very much enjoyed reading it.

Thanks Hayley.

Sorry I'm late to comment on this poem scratch,
but just had to let you know, how observant
I thought this piece of writing was, you had
all the human instincts exactly right.

I could picture the scene so well.

Jenny.

Many thanks for your comment Jenny, it's really appreciated.

Scratch, come on, why only two so far, we want more. This is good stuff keep it coming.

Loads of reads but a cactus gulch of comments. If your here and (if you can) please give an opinion, it would be most appreciated.

Jolono,

Thank you for the comment.

I tried to post a new submission last night but was thwarted by (either) technical difficulties, or (more likely) technical incompetence.

I do appreciate your time.

Hi scratch
delightful, quietly powerful and very much enjoyed, a beautiful portrait of frail charity in a clockwork world.

Wonderful! Your descriptions made me feel like I was there with her...or that I was her. This is a wonderful peice. You have a very beautiful writing style and loads of talent.

Big smile from me eternal! Thanks.

Scratch, bit late to comment on this, but just catching up on stuff I have missed over the past few weeks ( can't read everything!).

Great observation, my favourite line is " Hawk eyed mothers gather children like addled hens mistaking a lamb for a vixen"

Terrific!

Thanks Jolono, your observations and comments are always welcome.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-16488207

Indrani Ananda

You have made these scenes so real with such powerful, descriptive prose, Scratch. I liked that 4th stanza with "A downdraught blur of coloured applause ..."
You've captured every nuance of this decrepit woman's fight for a place in the world in the face of petty prejudice and the 'parks & gardens rules' syndrome.
I can't understand why you didn't get a cherry for this one.
Indrani.

Many thanks for your comment Indrani. Your comment about the parks and gardens mentality is smack on it what with the nonsense about this and that - pettiness that obscures what we should all be concerned about. I wanted to show that the real anti-social behaviour is the indifference and open antagonism that is generally dished out to the most vulnerable people in our society.

I'll take a thought cherry from you if I may :-))

Hello Scratch,

I enjoyed your poem very much it created a very pictorial image in my mind. I could almost hear the rushing of the wings too as the birds fly (flew ?) down for the food.

Your description of the woman too was very accurate. I've seen her in loads of different places.

Much enjoyed.

Moya

Nice one Moya, I'm so glad that you liked it. Thanks for stoping by and taking the time to comment. It's a nice surprise to wake up to. :-))

This is one of my faovurites of yours. It really touched me. You have a good 'eye' for insight.

I was meeting my best friend for the second time. I got to Leicester Square before him and noticed a poor pigeon limping, it's leg was hideously swollen and I noticed that it was tangled up with cotton. I got out a packet of crisps and spent ages running around trying to catch this bird, while drawing quite a crowd. I caught it and I sat with it on my knee and untangled it. Peej came up to me and asked what the hell I was doing. He said he'd never been so embarrassed in his life and that I looked like a mad woman. some people embarrass way too easily. I've since surpassed that many times with him since.

Your poem brought back some lovely memories.

Thanks Sooz. Most appreciated, so glad that you liked it.

This is a world I recognize and one which often makes me both sad and irate. A world where, if you have no money or appear to have no money, people have no respect for you at all.

I think that you deserve to be congratulated merely
for giving such a true and accurate depiction of 'how people really are'.

A really great description of maternal paranoia mixed with prejudice (snobbery). I've seen that so often in the high street:

"hawk-eyed mothers
Gather children like addled hens mistaking
A lamb for a vixen."

It also reminds me of shop assistants who stalk people around shops because they look poor and assume that they're shoplifters.

I also liked your description of the pigeons descending, showing their true splendour:

'And then they come; clattering.
First in ones and twos and then in dozens,
From the spire and verandas
And the bus shelters along the prom’,
Knowing exactly the sun-shadow and chime.
A downdraft blur of coloured applause
That delights her, more iridescent than
A thousand retinas, more beautiful
Than peacocks eyes.'

And I love the contrast between the shiny 'In loving memory' plaque and the unloving and unshiny world you portray aswell as the parallels between how people view the pigeons "rats with wings" and how they view the old woman.

I think that you hold up a mirror to an ugly society with this poem and its a mirror which really needs to be looked into.

I also think that the gentler aspects of this poem are very touching; the beauty of the birds and the humanity of the old woman and I like the way that the old woman is portrayed as being like a thing of nature that doesn't obey signs and silly regulations, just like the pigeons.

Also this is a poem all about perception and seeing, I think; the sign staring down,the forest of CCTV's and the tourists pointing and staring and the traffic
warden 'admiring' the community support officer; people looking at exteriors and making judgements.

And also, a stroke of genius I think, you yourself are an onlooker in the poem, looking at the old woman and making assumptions:

'Maybe she can't even read'

also now I get the significance of:

"That delights her, more iridescent than
A thousand retinas, more beautiful
Than peacocks eyes."

Retinas, peacocks eyes = the eyes of the superficial people watching her and the fact that she doesn't care what they think about her.

I also thought perhaps,though maybe I'm wrong,that this was a poem about ownership; who the area you describe belongs to; to the pigeons; the poor and homeless or to only the rich human beings; the ones who can afford to donate money and have their plaques on benches. I got this feeling from the areas name 'Mayors Gardens' as if it indicated ownership by the Mayor and even the tourists; outsiders to the place seem to feel that, because they are wealthier than her, they have the right to pass judgement on the old woman.

I may be reading too much into the poem but it seems like a multi-layered piece of writing that touches on so many issues.

I'm very glad that I read this poem.

You got it spot-on in it's entirety well-wisher. What a superbly insightful and wonderfully extensive critical appraisal.

Big thanks and even bigger smile.

78-))

theres not much to say that hasnt already been said here, but couldnt read this without at least saying how brilliant i found it, superb bit of writing. Bravo.

Many thanks to you for your kind contribution MS, it's always lovely to get a comment whenever they come along!

78-)

This is wonderful; you've said things I've been trying to say for years and painted a beautiful but haunting picture of life that is recognisable and somehow comforting. (I happen to have a lot of compassion and pity for urban pigeons). Innes x

Thanks Innes.

I saw this woman feeding pigeons on a roundabout as I was going past on the bus today. She wasn't doing it by halfs either-tipping big bags of crumbs out and the birds were just flocking around her. I found it a really beautiful sight, I craned and craned my neck to watch her as the bus chugged by. And then I remembered this poem...so I came back for another read.
There is something so much deeper, I think, than whether pigeons are a pest or rats with wings or whatever, it's something to do with compassion/humanity and freedom and seeing beauty where you find yourself and other things I can't articulate yet.

I recently got into a debate with a friend about this very subject and it got quite heated, now I've decided not to bring the subject up again or comment on it because I feel we're not really talking about pigeons but something bigger, but then you get stereotyped as the pigeon-fox-squirrel lady and people switch off and don't listen properly anymore....

Phew! sorry if that was a bit longwinded, I seem to be having a stay up late and comment on the world night.

This really is a great peice of writing.

Innes x

I also loved this .. l wish l could be as articulate as the others. But l feel the same xx