John Siena, an officer from the NYPD was asked to travel to Valle Pacifica to help out in the murder investigations. He was original from there, so he had no problem finding his way around. He was tall and lean, with short black hair and dark brown eyes. He checked himself into a nearby motel, and stayed awake most of the night review the case files. He was considered one of NYPD's best. They wouldn't lend him out to just anyone.
He had been awarded several times for his bravery and heroism. Never one to back down from a challenge. They knew that if anyone was going to solve this case, it would be him.
It was now 4:14 AM, and he fell asleep on top of the papers. The room was painted a dark red color. The carpet looked cheap, and was once white, but clearly had not been cleaned in several years. The room was quite small. There was a small window on the right side of the room, a bathroom to the left. The bed was in the middle, and to the right of it was a small wooden nightstand. Just north of the bed was a 13" color TV on a black stand with a VCR underneath it. Below that was probably around 30 or more VHS tapes, all in black covers.
The bed was also quite small, covered with a dark red blanket.
Thunder could be heard above the infomercial playing on the TV. Just then, the electricity went out. Heavy rain drops hit the window. The thunder had gotten so loud that it awoke John, and he was surprised to see the lamp next top his bed off. He then realized that the storm had knocked out the power.
He went out to his car to get his flash light when a large piece of hail hit him on the head. He wasn't injured, but the size of the hail was so big that it could do some serious damage to all the houses and vehicles in the area.
He reached into his pocket to get his keys so that he could unlock his truck, but he dropped them. He bent down to retrieve them when he saw something glowing underneath his truck. He was startled for a moment, but soon realized that it was just a Cat seeking shelter from the storm. He decided to bring it in the motel with him, even though animals were not allowed.
He stepped into the bathroom to look for a towel to dry himself off with when he heard a strange sound coming from inside the shower. He was about to see what it was when the Cat followed him in there, and he forgot all about the sound. With the aid of his flashlight, he managed to put the papers back in order, and placed them on the stand. He lied on his back and shut his eyes. He was nearly asleep when a strange sound got his attention. At first he thought it was just the thunder, but soon realized that it wasn't. Whatever it was it was coming from the bathroom.
He picked up his flashlight, and walked into the bathroom. He pulled open the shower curtains, and...
***
The road remained empty as Elena made her way to the hospital. Antanas was still unconscious. She worried that he had slipped into a coma.
Elena looked to her left, and saw a young girl attempting to hitchhike. Elena was confused. She was in a hurry, and didn't trust strangers, especially with the Valle Pacifica killer still on the loose. But after all, it was just a young girl who was all alone in this bad storm. She probably was a runaway, and could be the VPK's next victim. Elena's conscious got the best of her, and she stopped the car, and asked her to get in. The girl had long, wavy light red hair, and was wearing a long white coat. She was very thin and barefooted.
She got into the passenger seat. Elena asked her where she was going, but the girl stayed quite.
"Well, I have to take my friend to the hospital quickly. He was injured, and may be in a coma. Once I get him there I will take you home or wherever it is you want to go, okay?"
Said Elena
The girl continued to stay silent. She was very pale.
"So, why are you away from home in such a bad storm?"
Asked Elena
"Because I have no home to go home to."
Answered the girl
"Well, what's your name? I am sure your parents are worried sick about you."
"I have no parents, and my name is Alvena."
"Well, where do you live, Alvena?"
"Alone."
Just then, a bolt of lightning struck a large tree to the left to Elena. It fell right before her. Preventing her from getting through.
"Oh, no. Now what am I going to do?"
She asked in desperation
"I know another way to get to the hospital, but you will have to turn around."
Said Alvena
"Just follow my directions."
She began to direct Elena to a part of town that she had never been to. There were no houses or even street lamps. It was very dark except for the light show in the sky.
"Stop here!"
Shouted Alvena
She then ran out of the vehicle, and disappeared into the darkness.
Elena had no idea where she had led her, only that she was lost in a back alley. She got out of the vehicle to check on Antanas when she saw a dark figure slowly approaching her.
(To Be Continued)
Comments
sabital | July 21, 2008 - 05:50
Things still seem to be happening too fast, introducing Alvena like you have and then losing her so quickly looks like you were lost for plot and needed something to write about. Slow down a little, give the reader more time with the characters so they can weave them into the fabric of the story, or so they can understand the personality you have given them. If Alvena was meant to be mysterious you should have only described her and not given her a name. If she is to re-appear in the story at a later stage you could give more information about her then.
And yes... I'm still reading!