Smokers die younger.
Smokers die more often.
Smokers die for longer.
Smokers’ die is loaded.
You could be in danger of peril.
Peril could be risky.
To avoid the risk of dangerous peril,
Do not menace your jeopardy.
Do not blow your nose too hard
Your brains might spray out.
I’ve seen it happen.
Or maybe it was just a happy dream.
Be careful when soaking your head in petrol
After dark in a built-up area
And at other times
If you happen to think of it.
Do not accept sweets from psychopaths.
Do not solicit blowjobs from snake charmers.
Do not give lifts to leopards.
Do not do anything ever.
Avoid bathing in acid
Unless directed to do so by your GP.
Only take a bullet to the brain
Under qualified supervision.
Your life could be in danger
If you do not keep up repayments.
Beware the ides of March
And the brides of Frankenstein.
If you must get out of bed in the morning,
Check carefully for tax inspectors.
Do not make a will,
Make a won’t. Make a can’t.
Today is the first day of the rest of your afterlife.
Do not accept harps from angels
Or venture too close to the edge of your cloud.