Smokers die younger.
Smokers die more often.
Smokers die for longer.
Smokers’ die is loaded.
You could be in danger of peril.
Peril could be risky.
To avoid the risk of dangerous peril,
Do not menace your jeopardy.
Do not blow your nose too hard
Your brains might spray out.
I’ve seen it happen.
Or maybe it was just a happy dream.
Be careful when soaking your head in petrol
After dark in a built-up area
And at other times
If you happen to think of it.
Do not accept sweets from psychopaths.
Do not solicit blowjobs from snake charmers.
Do not give lifts to leopards.
Do not do anything ever.
Avoid bathing in acid
Unless directed to do so by your GP.
Only take a bullet to the brain
Under qualified supervision.
Your life could be in danger
If you do not keep up repayments.
Beware the ides of March
And the brides of Frankenstein.
If you must get out of bed in the morning,
Check carefully for tax inspectors.
Do not make a will,
Make a won’t. Make a can’t.
And remember:
Today is the first day of the rest of your afterlife.
Do not accept harps from angels
Or venture too close to the edge of your cloud.
Comments
shoebox | November 12, 2008 - 05:51
"Make a won't" and "Make a can't" are great. Thanks for the smiles.
jennifer | November 12, 2008 - 08:06
My favourite linesL
'Do not solicit blowjobs from snake charmers.' - hilarious!
and
'Only take a bullet to the brain
Under qualified supervision.'
Not sure about 'smokers' die is loaded' - what do you mean?
'smokers die' is loaded
because 'die' can't really belong to smokers.
Ewan | November 12, 2008 - 09:28
It always lands on one , Jen.
Stefano | November 12, 2008 - 12:43
shoebox - thanks for your comment. I rather liked those lines too, but I couldn't really say so myself...
Jen - I wrote this late last night under the influence of one too many snake charmers. All my smokers share a single die. When I tried smoker's die it didn't look so good - I like a vertical line of smokers lined up like little soldier-boys. That's me - form over content every time. What I meant by it was: it's late, I should be in bed! You prefer smoker's die? Smokers' dice doesn't work.
Ewan - Hello, nice to see you!
jennifer | November 12, 2008 - 13:44
Now I understand, I had not realised you were talking about plural dice. I am ill and my brain was not engaged properly this morning!
One, Ewan? If you're throwing more than one dice?
artisus | November 12, 2008 - 13:58
very intelligent humour here..
Ewan | November 12, 2008 - 14:00
One die, two dice:
so Stef's poem reads fine to me.
jennifer | November 13, 2008 - 20:45
It is me that is mixing up the singular and plural.
I claim temporary insanity, brought on my the combination of antibiotics, thick-headed ill fugginess, and nurofen.
*Blushes like an idiot*