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Pat Jennings Hands

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Published by steve_elliott04 on April 19, 2012 - 16:40
from the ABC set Poetry

We filed through in ones and twos
To see the body.
There he lay in a red oak coffin,
Covered in ethereal white;
A bed for eternal slumber -
But not a comfortable one, I thought.
It was fitting, they said.
It was his favourite wood.
A desk, a chair, skirting boards, a bed frame;
Each he had carpentered,
The cool oak held in his Pat Jennings hands.
Now it held him.
I remember those hands -
After all, they had once held me -
And that handsome handshake that lingered just a little bit longer,
Like there was something to be said by it.

Now we file down the road,
The weight upon
Our shoulders.
Still heavy. Regretful,
I hold him upon my boney frame.
Unmindful of the rain,
Or the neighbours who mourn from a distance.

© 2012 Stephen J. Elliott

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Comments

Silver Spun Sand | April 19, 2012 - 18:23

...Speaking of excellent writing, this surely falls in that category.

Pat Jennings hands...how many goals did they save, I wonder;-)

Sensitive, emotive and truly beautiful. Your grandfather must have been very proud of you and will be smiling down on such a fitting tribute, I am certain.

Tina

shoe | April 19, 2012 - 19:02

Tina said it, excellent writing. I like the reflective quality.

Florian | April 19, 2012 - 19:14

Beautifully crafted, a tribute to him and to you.

insertponceyfre... | April 19, 2012 - 19:51

I agree with the others - beautiful

steve_elliott04 | April 19, 2012 - 20:44

Thanks very much, all of you! Really wasn't expecting such encouraging comments.

Cheers!

hmarie345 | April 19, 2012 - 21:24

I really enjoyed this piece. I love the connection with the oak coffin to him using oak to build things.

And also the connection of him holding you to you holding onto him at the end.

I absolutely enjoyed reading this and can't wait to read more things you've written.

Rhiannonw | April 19, 2012 - 21:34

Enjoyed the picture you have drawn. Rhiannon

Richard L. Prov... | April 20, 2012 - 03:52

A well-defined poem, a memorial in honour of someone special. Nice work. Richard LP

Parson Thru | April 22, 2012 - 01:33

How lovely and brings us without any fuss into your intimacy. You have done him justice.

Denzella | April 25, 2012 - 05:34

Hello again Steve,

I thought I knew the name Pat Jennings and I remembered he was a great goalkeeper. I can't wait to tell my husband. He often used to speak of him.

A well-written lament for a craftsman by a craftsman.

Well done on the cherries too.

Moya

steve_elliott04 | May 2, 2012 - 19:41

Thanks again for all the comments, and the cherries!!

I just edited this poem, taking out one or too rather over-used elegy lines, and breaking it into two stanzas. Hopefully these are effective edits that help make this poem the elegy I set out to write.

Cheers,
Steve.

Ibahas1 | May 7, 2012 - 18:40

"It was fitting, they said.
It was his favourite wood."
For some reason this seemed to be almost musical to me. Really enjoyed this poem

grover | May 17, 2012 - 18:55

I really think this would make a great short story too! Poetry is not my area, but I did enjoy that.

I liked "A bed for eternal slumber" How wonderfully dark.

steve_elliott04 | May 17, 2012 - 19:07

Thanks grover. I originally did want to write this as a story, but found I could not for quite a few reasons, both personal and technical. Thus, it took the form of a poem!

ItsSteveDave | July 12, 2012 - 21:26

Hi Steve, I've just found this, sorry I'm late! What an amazing tribute to a lost loved one, incredibly touching and beautifully written.

'And that handsome handshake that lingered just a little bit longer,
Like there was something to be said by it.'

Was my favourite part, reminded me of my grandad.

steve_elliott04 | July 15, 2012 - 11:44

Thanks, SteveDave! Very glad it stirred up some memories of your own.

scratch | October 5, 2012 - 10:52

I'm glad that I read this Steve. Never sentimental - in fact pitch perfect.

seashore | October 6, 2012 - 18:17

Just looked you up after you left me a great comment on my latest....and so glad I did. You say you mainly write prose - but judging by this you're some poet too. So many stand-out lines but the point is, it flows, carries the reader along to a perfect ending.

Sorry ths is so late - just noticed you wrote the poem back in April!

steve_elliott04 | October 6, 2012 - 18:49

Thanks for such a kind and encouraging comment, seashore! Very glad you read and enjoyed.

Steve