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Devil on my shoulder

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Published by SundaysChild on May 21, 2012 - 21:29
from the ABC set Is This Really Happening?

I clutch at bluebells and fairy wings, at daydreams, at the poisoned green apple of my eye,
but
I'm not sure what difference they'll make any more, for there is a devil on my shoulder and he runs rotting fingers through my hair and my hopes; I must witness it all.
I hang wind chimes at twilight; the sky is stained, running ink and regret. In the morning I take them down; they sound too lost, too lonely, too familiar. I cannot bear it. They shiver under the heat of my sorrow. I suffocate them for once and for all, throw them down into the cellar; a murky tomb for the unforgiven or overwhelming parts of my life. I stand for an age and think about it all, then bitterly smash those memories into pieces, bury them bit by bit... but I know they are not gone: they will be resurrected, made whole, and come, Zombie-like, to violate me in the middle of the night, keeping me awake for hours.

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Comments

blighters rock | May 22, 2012 - 00:44

I totally identify with your sentiment here, Sundays. I call it the monkey on my shoulder. The little shit that keeps telling me to have a drink or a spliff or both.
I know it sounds feeble but I pray every morning and night and it works. The monkey walks off when he realises that someone far greater is in charge of my life (ie. God). The little shit stays away for just long enough, usually, for me to get through the day without fucking myself up.
Voluntary work is a brilliant tool to keep him off too. Just giving to others for no reward is about the best feeling you can get, honestly.
Being a fantastic writer (which you are) is one thing but it may never offer the salvation you yearn. Stay strong. Check out prayer if you get really low, or even if you're in a great mood, but only pray for others. I ask for a clean and sober day without a gamble and only I can mess up.
I make mistakes but they're a pinprick compared to past mistakes and I'm learning slowly to deal with them in the right way.
Just tell the monkey to fuck right off!

Parson Thru | May 22, 2012 - 07:46

Raw and honest piece SundaysChild. Beautifully depicted. Hope that writing it brings some comfort. Blighters has a number of good points. I wouldn't come bursting into your living room beating the crap out of a tambourine, but I find praying for others in the mornings sort of helps. Not sure who I am praying to, mind you. Not a pop at you BR BTW. Just a few experiences with people who are heavily into recruiting. Good point about volunteering. Main thing is that you are never as alone as you might think. Lovely piece though. Keep a place for the fairy wings and smile at the devil on your shoulder. Nothing gets on his nerves more. :)

seashore | May 22, 2012 - 14:28

Very strong writing, Sundays

SundaysChild | May 22, 2012 - 20:51

Thanks guys- just trying to write a bit more again, it's not where I know it can be, but just got to keep on having a go and not procrastinating. x

hilary west | May 29, 2012 - 19:56

Nice, thoughtful piece, Sundays !

Sooz006 | June 1, 2012 - 12:50

Soul Searching stuff. We all have our demons, it's just a case of whether or not we let them have the upper hand. Beautiful Words.