Jotter Journal

Just telling it like it is for me. Being here on ABC, a place where all facets of our lives are constantly being explored - nooks and crannies, emotions, laying ourselves out large in diverse ways creatively is really awesome.

If I haven't said it before in so many words, letting you know now.
3.6.12

We share so much here, a little bit of everything others have expressed this too: pain, love, joy, anger, humour, sadness and more. We serve it up in a variety of portions, written ways. If we can but remember the words that assist in awkward and troubled times; words like bread. We eat ... and are nourished. The way we read the silence in someone's face, when words are too painful to express. We write, trace between the lines or a single word etched in a thought. It leaves a mark, each syllable; fills, sustains.
9.6.12

Good F1 win Lewis. Jenson get the car sorted.

The end is nearer in sight for two of my stories, though I still have to write them mind. I write freeflow, decided that years ago.

Jamaica's 50th - just occurred to me lately just how many people are going to be flying out this year. Need to check in with my folks.
Just love this - baaaddddaass tune! Good to clean up to as well ... Another version ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bP48M2BEs0
11.6.12

Feeling reflective.

My high was always natural. Mum’s boys …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRGD2lCPasU&feature=related

And if you ever felt like this over someone, hope you talked it through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8lJHd8SIfQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJDnJ0vXUgw&feature=related
12.6.12

Ooh they were really getting down on a favourite thread about writing and critique. I guess at the end of the day you express it from the perspective of where and how you feel it. Writers exploring their feelings about their work and how that was sourced - as a release, not always a joy ride. And how humans can hold two contradictory points of view at the same time. As they say "Not everything good to you is always good for you" - has an innate contradiction there too.

I still have my priorities to sort, while I guess the only words I've got around to lately are these. Yeh the stories are still floating around in my thoughts. But today again, it is back to life's more mundane issues and at some point catch up with family and friends again. The fabric of time and how we live it out and when. Need a bit more balance about it all for me right now.

However, if I could slow dance right now, think I’d like to this … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fKrsgcvzT0

And do it again, … like we do, like déjà vu …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wbG2B9PfO8

Back to those chores.
14.6.12

A repeat ... Found this clip …

Spot the tea break. Remember My Lai, Agent Orange, all those who perished indiscriminately and otherwise. Experiments on their own US soldiers. What’s changed around the world? Where are we all heading? It never really stopped of course. It's insatiable: bigger, broader, wider, technical, only some can't see it ... Pass the sugar and cream please, oh and the gas ... A more pleasant death no doubt and you don't even have to snort your nostrils away. Who chose this road? Oh you did? Sold. Under the hammer - Daniel showed us: iron and clay cannot support ... Dust ... Still toppling. Bit you by the wayside, but that head will be bruised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVor2Xm8qg0

Can't "grow or spend" your way out of this: Rev18 v9-24 - the one planet we all live on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNWxFd9bx7c

15.6.12

Been jotting here more than I intended lately and I'm only half-way through my chores still. So just a little something here while I go hunt down the sugar soap and tackle the kitchen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25xggJXyWhI
16.6.12

I am sore, battered and bruised from cleaning, even though I took my time, had breaks. And this is with using a feather duster, hoover and wasn't as if I had to scub anything. At one point I could barely walk. I kid you not and I still have the kitchen to do and I have to use a ladder for that but I'll just do a little section at a time. All way too much motion for my condition. Ok so I did also lift some cases and move some furniture which didn't help too ...

Been thinking back to when I was a child and used to visit old people in their homes, I thought some of their places, though neat, had this musty smell that just made it smell old. Now I know it was the dust they couldn't reach anymore and with no one to help they just gave up. Well, considering I never thought I'd live to reach 35 I guess I can't really complain too much because I can still help myself.

To tell you the truth, a couple of those ABC evenings I attended, I was feeling so bad I didn't even know if I'd turn up but I really push myself at times just to get out there. And I really do need to try to get out more. I mean it takes me months to work up the confidence to fly anywhere like I'm thinking about it now. So stressful just thinking about sitting there for hours and all the questions about the fluids I need to take on board. Hush!!! I don't know how mothers with babies cope with travelling these days.

I need to get my vit D so today I will stride out and be sensible about how far. My poor family had to deal with this situation on occasion when we went out. So embarrassing too, spoils the day. Recall we went out one day and I ended up at the hospital at the end of it out of the blue cos sometimes I don't get a warning when the symptoms just come on. Crazy thing, but most days I do OK, long as I don't over exert myself too. Want to do so much but can't always.
18.6.12

PS: got back from my walk OK, warm sun on my spine keeping me vertical. Two old ladies (late 70's) walking faster than me, stopped to ask me if I wanted to smell some lavender they'd picked. I thought, have mercy I must look like I need it! I indulged them and it seemed to make their day but it put more energy in my stride for goodness sakes. Then I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in ages sat in his car on his mobile. Said I was looking well, really well. I'm like, he must have dirt in his eye because I really do feel like something the cat dragged in today. Got in and looked in the mirror to see if I really was looking better than I felt. You could say I saw "Hope" looking back at me. Can't be bad. Haven't climbed the ladder in the kitchen yet though. Not sure Hope would approve of me doing that for today anyway. Now I just feel tired, drink water time.
19.6.12

I'm still aching and desperately don't want to resort to painkillers. Can't walk in my flat shoes so will have to resort to trying trainers which I haven't done for a long time on account of I couldn't walk in them. Sometimes I just can't walk in shoes period. My balance is all over the place, I want to take off like a bird or feel I'll fall flat on my bum like a toddler. But I need to get to the chemist and to pick up some groceries. Also have a meeting later so I need to get it together. My body wants to stay in and rest but my mind wants to get up and go. So my mind has told my body we're going out and that's it. I can always rest on the way as today I am throwing caution to the wind because sometimes that's just what I have to do to push myself. If I find I've bitten off more than I can chew help is just a mobile call away. But I have faith and confidence that today is a doing day and hopefully I won't have to spend the next three days in bed on account of it. A mind over matter thing. I also want to get back to my stories but my joints are aching such that I probably would't accomplish much but these notes are just to let me remember where I am. I also want to eat fish and chips - bad choice given the way I'm feeling. I've eaten fish and chip about 3 times over the past month and none probably over the previous 6! Was also feeling sick though, bit like morning sickness but - no way of course. So the fish and chips was like a big craving. With all the walking and whatnot I plan to do, I don't reckon I'm going to make it up that kitchen ladder today either. Well, this is what it takes to get me doing stuff. Yah knows I try. The sun is shining and it feels like a great day to be brave!
20.6.12

So I have now spent a full gestation period on Talers and it has informed me of the type of writer I am always becoming. Now that my chores are well in hand I can get back to writing again. Feeling so much better than I did yesterday when I accomplished all I set out to do, which in some people's book may not have been a lot but it was enough for me. And I made it to my meeting which was productive. What I could really do with is a massage but right now but that could flare things back up again.

Shoes, are a nightmare for me because of the materials they use to make them, the dyes and chemicals. Even when I find ones that suit my flat feet, after a while I may still develop a reaction - loads of allergies.

Be nice to get some work done in the garden, Bought everything, but it's just been looking back at me. One thing at a time aye.

As they say, disability is about what you "can do" and not what you can't.
21.6.12

But it is more than allergic reactions. My body does not react well to synthetic materials like nylon etc. I have to be careful when choosing clothing or I'll come out with a rash, light up when walking on cheap carpet - you can hear the pops. Wireless stuff affects me, keyboards, WII as does optic mice - these create excruciating pain in my body. If you're the kind of person who only uses a mobile, you won't hear from me much because I can't use them much. Certain foods and all chemicals they use to spray - naturally bad reaction. Unshielded flourescent lighting - bane of my life - I was born under natural light and my body knows that and knows the difference. Someone is crazy and I know it is not me - they're so economical with the truth and use their influence to maintain the lack of knowledge on these matters where the general public is concerned. It is all toxic to me. I don't know, are we supposed to be making toxic resistant children these days? A lot of them will be deaf, blind, crippled by the time they reach 18.

Just watched today's edition of "Daily Politics" which covered: Immigration, Social Media, Rio Conference, Education and Tax Taking That. It was hilarious at points if it wasn't so serious but entertaining. Found out the UK is being taken to EU court over garlic - I must find out what that's about because I love garlic. Couldn't understand how they could have a conversation about Rio and global warming without mentioning plastics and the effects on the oceans and ground water contamination - we depend on basics for life after all. Enjoyed the programme though. I also love trees especially when they're growing.
21.6.12

Managed to clip the hedge without pulling anything which was a risk and a result and hope to get into the garden over the weekend. I sometimes can't handle the shears, bend, when things are bad so felt good about that. Just beginning to feel my fingers wanting to catch up with my brain on the stories which feels promising. It feels really lively onsite today. Never thought I'd be jotting down so much on this journal. Wasn't what I intended. Aunt in hospital so need to catch up with folks. Gorgeous day otherwise, for all the grey clouds. Having to jot down a list of things I need to do as I feel things have slipped over the past weeks or my memory isn't quite what it used to be.
22.6.12

Forum Topic on comedy brings back lots of memories. It is good to laugh so to remind myself of the topic I am also leaving another link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRr5578yHck&feature=related

I am feeling a lot better thank Yah. Just need to better pace myself and watch the carbs.

And just one more cos I do have a sense of humour.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FeTo97jTCU&feature=related

Lots of Love Y'all
25.6.12

Still on the subject of comedy, I realise I don't choose to watch much of it these days. Think I found it getting a bit too crass and nasty for me. I remember thinking some of it was like people having a wank in front of everyone and we were all supposed to laugh. I too liked the Two Ronnies, also The Good Life, Butterflies, Real McCoy, The Cosby Show. Spitting Image I liked in parts - think it would probably be very useful in this climate though. In that respect it was probably ahead of its time. Films, I didn't watch too many comedy films. Big Momma's House had me in stitches, Fletch, Flying Deuces. Really don't know who the new comedians are these days. Men Behaving Badly I also liked. However, I do enjoy a lot of the humour on ABC. We all need to laugh, even at ourselves once in a while. Just remembered, Jerry (Levitch?) Lewis had to be the craziest person I ever saw on film. Some people pull faces and contort their bodies to look funny. There's a whole range of things that comics can utilise for laughs. Not a static thing - yeh George Carlin uses the full range and reflects back our ideosyncracies etc.
26.6.12

So now I need to readjust to the necessities. Think about how someone else's needs don't always resonate with your own at the same time precisely - likes, dislikes. Know how it is? That negotiating thing we do sometimes without realising. Guess when we do we name it "compromise". You notice, the older you get the less "compromising" you do or are able to. Unless you hit the right groove with him/her long ago so you're pretty much set. Why I need to pray more to stop me screaming!!! Back to the chores aye ... And I slept like a baby - woke to some scratching though. Sounded like a mouse wanted to open an A4 packet of cigarettes if that were possible! How big a mouse would we be talking about???
27.6.12

Finally got a chance to run through the library of one of my favs on here. It's like being introduced again. Glad I did it.

We've lost so much that is natural in this world, grasping the spiritual helps compensate. I mean, how can all that's been despoiled be for the greater good? Does anyone actually believe that anymore now that the writing is clearly on the wall? Really, they're just doing everything to death and the scale is just unbelievable.

Someone brought up on the news today all the hardware positioned outside the Olympic Park, and yet they can't ensure security inside the park. So what's the hardware for? What's this great show of strength for? Who are they going to launch at??? Is someone going to explain to us on the BBC or some other channel? I'd like to know ... I mean really know ... And are we going to have tanks deployed as well? And what sort of attacks are they preparing the public for? Nerve gas, nuclear or what? If so, what contingency plans have they prepared the public for on the intelligence that they have thus far?

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/sonic-weapon-deployed-olympics-010258021.html

Residents not having any of it ...
http://www.expressandstar.com/news/uk-news/2012/06/28/legal-challenge-on...
28.6.12

It seems an age in a few days since I was last here. I thank YHWH for affording me the health and strength to tarry to share in my particular way as able. HalleluYAH. What more can I say, even when I feel I fall short.

Catching up with family and my garden friends has made a difference these past days. Take so much for granted as we do. Been sort of busy on the lively forums on here past few days too. The point is, these empires are crumbling people and we the "people" most assuredly will make a difference - that is inevitable. What's been going on and on and on and on is totally unsustainable. Politicians, leaders, govenors, judges, lawyers all those at the forefront of propping up these obscene goings on - they don't believe there will be a time of reckoning. Are you watching??? We have love. I see it shine through in some of the most dire situations across this planet. Oh it's July already? How the days are shortening! Whole new meaning to time flying ...
2.7.12

Really glad to hear the forests won't be sold off so that the common people can enjoy them still. Yipee!!! More power to the people!!!

I love eating cherries too by the way.
4.7.12

I’m reflecting on how we have come full-circle with the Shard now completed on the riverbank of the Thames, of a city in the centre of the financial eye of the whole world; a world in dire crisis and with the countdown to the Olympics later this month - Gen 11 v1-9. The Shard gives a whole new meaning to "A View to a Kill" in monetary terms.

I’m also reflecting on how spectacles of light and sound can manipulate our senses and perceptions; to enhance things, the use of holograms or bending light to make things invisible. We live in a world of illusions on a massive scale these days. Really just need to bear this in mind at times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcoSTBhjxdw

http://abctales.com/story/blessing/reset-london-4ht-july-2012
6.7.12

Thought I was having a really good, good day until I read oldpesky's apology. Now I'm trying to reset my good day to restore it to good again. Yeh, I almost forgot too why I'm writing this note. Er "picked up" my hard copy today: "Unbelievable!" Also, I am just about ready to write the final chapter of the first draft of FLR - a real first for me. Say hey!!! And I've tagged a couple people to read and feedback so I can get back to the other story I started writing in 2009! Oh there's quite a few chapters of that other than what I've posted of that too and it is practically written as well. Need to decide who to tag that to here too for feedback and a couple other people I know. Sooooooo ... Came on here and got caught up in a writing renaissance which has been good. Don't know how folks have felt over all since having me around. From what I know of myself, I'd guess it's kind of a before and after feeling! Ha, haaaaaaaaaa. I'm just being me understand and that's just how it cuts sometimes. Sooooooooooo ... deep.

I haven't had much time to read any stories on here of late and until I finish my own work that'll probably be the case for weeks to come now that the first draft finish lines are in sight. One love people. By the way, I've been pondering about how some words have so much behind their simple meaning. I thought I'd leave you with two such words today: "gift" and "light" depending on how we tend to use them in stories.
12.7.12

Finished my first draft of FLR!!! Oh bless! Now I have to proofread, edit and so forth before I let my folks feedback. I feel in such a apprehensive place to say the least but I am so glad I have at least come this far!

Geomagnetic S1 storm in progress, M and X flares. Cloudy out presently. Not really in the mood for proofreading. Actually, I'd rather be writing. I'm feeling a touch ridiculous today, probably on account of having to deal with medical stuff. Just really frustrated with it all, when I would prefer to be simply happy. Like a bear with a sore head today to be honest. Jaded is the word. Probably diet related too. I need to do better. Here, here!!!
13.7.12

I really have to thank Yah for giving me the strength to face all the terrible situations I have had to deal with in my life and for each day I work on healing. Being aware there are others catching so much hell in this world even from their birth and at a tender age is also sobering. What we're facing? This war has been raging for thousands of years people but this generation is the one to decode and understand where it emantes from. Be the best at being you that you can be. Don't let them eclipse your light because true light will always shine through darkness it has often been pointed out. Stand when and as you can ...
A little song of encouragement for anyone feeling a little low.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37PCbh9KppA
16.7.12

Coming up for air again today. I enjoyed the tennis at Wimbledon the other day and F1. All those loyal fans getting bogged down at Silverstone. Getting ready to do some proofreading. Hope to get through that by the end of the week. Hopefully not a tall order. Round about now, think it would be good to set some targets. Talers getting banned from other sites ... We obviously have quite a few rebels here!!! Bob sang a song bout that. When I get round to it I'll try to remember to link it here.

Watcha now ... For all you Talers Rebels out dere!!! See it deh! Jump up!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Dpr-oXpiRQ&feature=related
17.7.12

Love, love, love ... Was too much, too soon ... But they pigged out on it anyway and left just a few drops for you to taste; like black mangoes dripping on the tongue. So for love sake ... Enjoy this ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N42bYLoaZho
18.7.12

So I'm finally back to writing CP. I came on here to finish that story and maybe write the odd poem and months on, I am only just nearing completion of that story and I've written so much more stuff than I ever imagined. Go figure! All good. I'm flaring a bit today but I'm on the up and up so I can't allow it to slow me down, though I am a bit sore. Need to start that proofreading so I can send FLR to my reviewer who is patiently waiting to receive it. I'm getting there. I am starting to think about graphics which feels like an interesting place to be. I've never thought about a cover for a totally fictional story before. Also, thinking about all the literary stuff that I haven't thought about for years because I wasn't writing - publishing stuff. So much to come to terms with to catch up and I need to buy some books.
20.7.12

My opinion ...

The world is not ready to turn weapons into ploughshares, far from it, as it is all money and big business. Aurora Denver was visited by Darkness; Nigerian worshippers are being repeatedly gunned down in church. There are ongoing conflicts in many countries and the ever growing Middle East threats, tensions and deaths at a time of unprecedented global austerity. People who can’t afford clothing and food have AK47’s etc even in Africa and the like. I have videos from the 70’s/80’s showing this – some of them naked.

Where people have a constitutional right to bear arms, incidents like Aurora have and will continue to occur. Globally this happens in countries where there are no such rights and the UK is not immune from this. This is about the marketplace; “supply and demand”. America is also at war with itself, why some of its citizens apparently feel they should own and bear semi-automatic and automatic weapons outside of a theatre of war and that these destructive weapons are readily available and of course provided to other nations. Other nations are also involved in weapons production – the whole global industrial industry – passing these on to countries of non-production.

Attacking people in unsuspecting places and in diverse ways, including clandestine, evokes fear in the public psyche which others may capitalise on and people can’t afford to bow down to the hostage taking of our freedoms either.

Pray for Deliverance from all these forms of Evil – visible and invisible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8Amcn0e5X8
Have Mercy!
Shalom Aleichem - YHWH guide us ...
21.7.12

Had a couple let's say disturbing dreams over the past week and very occasionally they're linked. I've shared a lot of stuff here. I also use this as a place for me to note stuff. I pretty much can decode my own dreams straight off so it is easy for me to realise when my own dreams are disguising something really significant and I really do mean that significant is the word. So couple days back I left a note to myself about a bear with a sore head because of the first dream. Feel as if I'm letting you in a lot here but. My dream subtlely centres around the constellation of Draco, Ursa Minor in particular and Ursa Major. Eltanin. I was specifically asked in the dream about the fate of the $ in Jan 2013. I sense that China and Russia and the Middle East are central to the disguise of this dream. Some of my dreams are very personally for myself of course, but every now and then ... And of course I understand the significance of the bear in the book of Daniel - particularly in this instance Ch7 1-28 with particular focus on the 4th beast.

It would be an understatement to say we don't know at this time about the hard times to come as even mapped out by the politicians. But I have also tried to draw attention to what is happening above our skies because we also live in a solar system in a galaxy, though some would rather we did not focus on that. There's a lot going on on the planet, in our solar system and in our galaxy that inevitably will affect every form of life here. Major transformations ... Important to keep a sense of balance because undoubtedly we will all need to if we care not to be deceived and for us to finally change from these destructive paths. Really not writing this lightly. Much as I can share right now.

It drops ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUcj4mGSrJk
22.7.12

Such a beautiful day. Ahh ... clear blue sky, gentle breeze. Blessed. Having a dream where the whole thing comes together in 2 parts and it only reveals the fullness when you put the two obscure parts together. I know how things are sometimes put across in a less painful vein to dampen the extent of the real pain. Like, we've lost so much flora and fauna in our world, but they show us everything we've gained: cars, skyscrapers, mobiles for example. Living on the hog like this, on a world turned into a glorious dustbin. We can't afford these empires where all the trees and people are just in their way; something to be chewed up and spewed out. We're surprised bankers and moguls have behaved and responded the way they have? We're the ones who had the blinkers on. Now we have probably the most militarised corporate pagan game show ever. Countries are supposed to be able to afford this spectacle in the future? Really is looking like madness to me. More like military exercise games playing out here. Wonder what George Orwell's commentary would be on all this???
Well, I'm going soak up some sun as that's freely given and I can freely receive it. Love ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOh-ZemDOZg
23.7.12

Love, love, lovely day. I love innocent kisses by the way. And if you'd had one from me say "Ahhh ...". Well, the Jamaicans obviously brought the sun with them!!!! We deh yah London!!! Ah wah?!!! Ki, ki, ki, ki, ki, ki. Yah's love is light and it sure shines in the dark.

We ah de real lion - Israelites ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ohGXCoQ_3o&feature=related
One Love and more than that!!!
24.7.12

Oh my ... I really am not feeling too good. Do I know what's wrong? Pretty much. Weekend is coming, so I'll try not to beat myself up too much about it and get my checks done next week. Got family flying in for the Olympics and working there. Team Jamaica here and all so they best make sure my folks are taken care of along with everyone else of course. Half way through my FLR proofreading, it is quite a feat to do. Had to do some rewrites on account of stuff I intended to write in but just rushed to the finish so it'll probably end up being around 30k first draft but no sweat. Hope my reviewer doesn't mind the wait. Proofreading is a must people. Know it is hard to go over it all again when you've just completed the thing but it really is a personal arduous, moment of proofing indeed. Bit like baking a cake. After the first draft I can finally take a break from it.
26.7.12

Yes the films in reference and more, been quite a touch. I have my favourite directors and I also admit I have a penchant for oriental films.

Been thinking about family lately, from the traditional to other. We talk about different types of families, like the motor racing family for example - Kimi being back adds spice to the track. People forge different relationships because of their work and interest and it can bring them closer too. A bit like ABC, for all the preferential genres. Managed to get half-way through my proofreading despite not feeling too good which is a type of triumph. Would like to celebrate this feat by eating a truly ripe, delicious peach. When you find one it is so lovely. Just peachy!
30.7.12

I had meant to spend the past month proofreading but have spent some of that time writing shorts. When they come along I just have to get them out because I can't do much else. They'd never leave me alone. That's how it is for me. Don't know how it is for other writers on here. Plus there's all the sporting distraction every now and then.
31.7.12