The Yacht’s Sail
The sun is a song and it is Purple
Haze: red clouds, blue notes. The sky is a stave
for a steel string Strato, a flying V
in flames, while the wind cries feedback. The moon
is a Gibson, an axe with a vorpal
blade and fuzzbox edge. The sea is a tune
of phase and flange, sawtooth and sine; its pre-
electric verse and chorus drowned by wave
and sample. The shore is a drumskin, taut
and tan as a dancer’s thighs. The salt cave
is a crystal set that picks up Home, Light
and Luxembourg, where crabs cavort and croon
in Carrollesque commotion. The old port
is a stone hymn and lichen daub a rune
to bless its walls. The yacht’s sail is a night-
ingale on the horizon’s silent grave.
Comments
Linda Wigzell Cress | August 7, 2012 - 23:57
Loved this. Cleverly descriptive with many good references - the 'flying V in flames' - a sunburst? - and the 'vorpal blade' of the Gibson. 'Carrollesque commotion' is a great phrase. Really enjoyed.
Linda
jolono | August 8, 2012 - 08:50
Wow, WBK.
The salt cave
is a crystal set that picks up Home, Light
and Luxembourg, where crabs cavort and croon
in Carrollesque commotion.
My favourite!
Highhat | August 8, 2012 - 11:32
What a lot of lovely words in these images...
;)Pia
Archie_Macjoyce | August 8, 2012 - 12:10
This is a very interesting poem, suggesting that art (specifically rock music) is a part of nature, is a natural process in its own right like the growth of grass or the tides of the sea. I've often thought and felt similar notions while high on drugs. That's what I get from the poem anyway.
Now I'd like to write a poem that attempts the same thing...
You focus on music, but there seem to be references to other art forms too, namely poetry. Is there a particular significance to Jabberwocky?
It's a rich verbal broth with some lovely subtle rhymes and half-rhymes, especially Purple/vorpal.
Perhaps one or two more subtle Carroll references are needed?...
tcook | August 8, 2012 - 16:10
Isn't vorpal enough?
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The Walrus | August 8, 2012 - 17:27
'Vorpal' is enough. Love it, WilkyBarKid, it's overflowing with lovely imagery. I read it through several times to absorb as much as possible of the rich verbal gravy, my mind up until that point a dry crust of bread.
Mark Heathcote | August 8, 2012 - 23:10
Some really good lines my pick for now... would be?
The sky is a stave
for a steel string Strato, a flying V
in flames, while the wind cries feedback.
WilkyBarKid | August 19, 2012 - 10:21
Round 4 judge's comments:
A clever, perfectly crafted poem which uses music as an analogy for landscape in order to convey variations and moods.
I like the way the natural examples are specific, starting large and ending small: sun, sky, moon, sea, shore, cave, port, sail.
I appreciate the Lewis Carroll reference to ‘vorpal’ and the alliteration of cavorting crabs but am not quite sure of the connection although it does add to the impression of sound and singing.
Score: 86/100
In my original draft, I had lobsters rather than crabs, but ditched them in favour of a more alliterative phrase - and what would lobsters be doing in a cave anyway? The connection then would have been more overt: 'Will you, won't you join the dance'?