Humour

Breakfast on the waterfront
Al fresco in the morning air
Eleven-ish in the Medusa bar
An ice cream perhaps to share

Walking the beach together
Playing and having fun

Will someone put the cat out?
Please don't make me shout

I live in my own little world
Yes I do I’m quite sincere

The one Stephen Fry might have borrowed from...

A young man joined the army
And he was known as Private Parts
But he was never meant for soldiering
The was clear right from the start

He was always finding trouble

To eat or not to eat, that is ingestion
Whether tis hunger in the mind to suffer

To any problem no matter how difficult
There is the very simplest solution

My sister sent me a joke called Elfin the Dragon Slayer and I thought, what a great story that would make. So here it is, great or not.

We've all had those nights.

After a dismal start to the season
Woking are slowest out the blocks
With two points from seven games
The crowd are angry to their socks

Light travels faster than sound
A fact you simply cannot balk

Gresham is kissed and likes it.

The new England supremo
Mr Fabio Capello
Plans to take the England team
And fulfill our football dream

My wife isn't very keen on a 69
If I suggest it she turns me down flat

What you will actually see
When that irritating putz

An embarrassed young man visited his GP
As he had a problem when he went to pee
The man explained when he went to tinkle

Now what determines
The length of a minute

A stern lesson!

Every time I walk around Soho, I await the tap on the shoulder before I'm told I'm not cool enough to be here on my way to what will inevitably be last week's favoured hangout

Well a Walrus and Tupperware
Have a preference they share