Humour

Are Days Necessary?

"Could I try on that pretty dress

Had to make several corrections. This is what happens when you write at work. I'm always looking over my shoulder. Sorry for other errors I may have made.

I’m used to the term
Surf and turf on a menu

If people make demands of you

Are you wearing shades?
Yes they do look cool

Nonsense in Limerick

‘How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the Cornish pasties of this world!
Fie on’t! O fie! ’tis an unweeded garden,’

Are you wearing velvet?
That’s the sexiest dress yet

“Kieran!” Ethel yelled up the stairs. “Get up, you idle bugger, I ain't gonna call you again!"

Rainbow to windward

Solomon Grundie,

Are you wearing a toga?
I don’t want to be an ogre

The phrases start' stoppin' and stop startin' are shamelessly pinched from Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer's Donald and Davy Stott characters, but the story is all my own.

“Excuse me,” the tall, heavily built man in the home-made multicoloured flowery dress and pink trainers said to the receptionist in the doctor's surgery.

Stolen Wedding Cake.

Who stole the Brides wedding cake?
That Bakers took a whole day it to make.
It was not you know the baker’s only son,
With a large heavy cake he could not run.

It’s may the 4th

On a Saturday night when I’ve had some a ale

I cleaned my shoes and put them away,

ready to wear on some other day.

The cupboard I think got a large shock,

for in one of the shoes I had left a sock.