FROGGAGE

What a night! First on washing hands after late post-cricket dinner we find hot water coming out of bathroom sink cold tap as well as hot tap. Take advice, use all water facilities then turn off immersion heater at fuse box as can't get to airing cupboard where it is due to using room for Xmas decs, deceased parents’ effects and any other homeless lumber you can think of.

Oh joy! Find plumbing insurance doc but surprise doesn’t seem to cover the issue we have. Anyway they say turn water off at mains as we suspected. And they make appointment for next morning (today Thursday). We spend hour or two lugging stuff into car and anywhere else available in this small crowded house and at midnight plus we are scared out of wits in front room by a real live jumping frog which vanishes among aforementioned bags of linen (from airing cupboard) old toys etc and takes up residence we think behind TV.

Consult interweb and lay dishes of water as suggested before going to bed at silly o'clock, where we lay on top sleepless til have to rise at 630 to ensure not missing plumber whose slot is 8-12. Bear in mind no wash no flush loo.

I  gingerly approach living room door  which we had shut tight to prevent our Freddie escaping. i had provided a dish of water for him - and there he was, sitting there waiting presumably for a passing breakfast fly.

Urged on by terrified OH, I creep towards him, towel at ready, but can't resist taking a photo, which not only turns out rubbish but also alerts Freddie who leaps back somewhere out of sight. It is evident however he's been using the facilities. I re-barricade door and retreat.

OH ventures very unsteadily into attic to check route to tank is clear. This has been uncharted territory for about 30 years and is choc full of books, clothes and furniture including prams. Our youngest is 32 so you can imagine. I seek further advice from my Bestie who, being a lifetime cat owner, knows all about frogs in the house and arrives whilst OH is trying to get out of attic. She holds ladder and he descends dusty but whole.

Meantime Freddie has resumed position in bowl. Me and OH stay out of way whilst Bestie talks gently to frog, standing right next to him! He appears to be listening intently to her soothing voice telling him not to be afraid, she won't hurt him but will take him to the garden pond next door. She tells him how beautiful he is and how loved, which I think is stretching it a bit. Next thing I know, she’s carrying him through the house and announces triumphantly he's free. Everyone needs a Bestie like her. She will henceforth be known as The Frog Whisperer. My social media friends were agog. Never mind plumbing, frog in house is Big News.

I will gloss over the misery, arguments and inconvenience caused by the water heating problem, still not satisfactorily resolved,  but we are now paranoid about leaving the back door open even in the sweltering weather of this week, and feel uneasy sitting at the garden tab!e listening to the neighbours swearing at the barking dogs; hoping they are not scaring our Freddie into seeking refuge under our telly again. Come to think of it maybe he was just settling in for a good seat to watch the last night of the proms. Musical frog? That's a thought.

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