The Ammunition To Break My Heart

Pain became a central part of my life to the extent it became unrecognisable.Subconsciously I built a defense mechanism that was on auto pilot 24/7. It made it easier for me to disconnect with what I had unknowningly chosen to forget.Empathy,Sympathy,Pain! I felt this was a rational  perrogative to adopt  for ME! One less person to add to the thousands that broke me. No sooner I realised, I was being selfish because in feeling this way I became cold even to those who for some reason whatsoever actually cared. I was also being judgemental,for the next man over there could be the nicest person in the world but because I've already perceived them all to be one thing there was no such thing as a good thing. I asked myself, 'am I being heartless or rather listening to my heart less?' I conceded, 'I don't want to give anyone the ammunition to break my heart,' And I wrote.....