Clan War (based on a true story), by Mortaza

Wow 'Mortaza', what a torrid tale, how awful it is when people 'gang up' on an individual. Were you involved in this gang warfare or were you just an innocent bystander? I must say your writing style is really rather good for a 16 year old, you state that you live in Sweden, is English your first language? If it isn't then you certainly have an excellent grasp on it.

i have a reponse to peanuts, allergic you see (do it in a welsh accent, it'll work then, honest)

You gonna have to explain that one to me chagrin, my welsh accent is obviously crap.

oh poor mortaza, did i interupt your 'ME ME ME' fest. My apologies.

If it ain't ruff it ain't me Lemme bust a freestyle here

oh yeah, nearly forgot I've been around all the pawns you've gagged and bound they'll come back and knock you down and i'll be free

Whoa! What a traumatic time it must have been! You say you are a swede of 16? My how fascinating you write proper english for a boy of your age, only I can talk as I am only 15! I also enjoy reading and writing (writing being my most favourite) I think you should continue with your efforts and send us readers some more of your masterpiece's! Anyway I will indeed be expecting to see some more of your work to comment on as so will you of mine, hear from you soon Mortaza. Leanne

Lump was limp and lonely and needed a shove Lump slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love She spent her twenties between the sheets Life limped along at subsonic speeds

Who are you Chargin? I thought you left poems for your collections not for the forums????????

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

whoops sorry its CHAGRIN, you don't even know Mortaza and your jokes are hardly funny, you shoul re-consider what you write to your response to other's great work, and leave your stupidity for the people who are actually interested in it!!!!!!!!!!

yep u sure r a creep and a wierdo for writin poo like that

pls don't use txt tlk bcos it only shows that u r illiterate.

And I care... because?

because it is a writers site of course silly!

You may think that you are all good writing all this crap to people but all you are doing is showing yourself up! Oh yes, and I have to listen to you because your a know-it-all who thinks slang is illiterate, well duh, obviously I know that but I summed YOU up in a few words!!!!!!!!!! IDIOT

Climb back into your pram sweetheart, I didn't accuse you of using slang, slang is completely different to text script, also write this down 'I must try harder in maths class'. Idiot is only one word, not a few!

Yea, I wrote this song for her But it won't make up for anything. I know it's too late so why do I wait? It's not my problem anymore... Some day, maybe she'll come back to me And I'll say, "why don't you go fuck yourself!?"

Jesus, I really thought this was a serious writing site. It would seem I was mistaken.

It would appear so.

Is it always like this? I have only been here a few times and there always seems to be this sort of nonsense going on.

I don't know I am new and very confused, am just about to email someone and ask.

i was only making a joke and everyone became upset, so very sorry.

Yes, I agree, it would seem that this website is about people 'pushing' their own work and expecting instant feedback. Oh yes, and children squabbling about petty things and oddballs leaving random song lyrics. Each to their own.

Ok newcomers, as no-one else seems to be coming forward to help please let me offer a little advice. Abc is a great site for putting up your work and getting feedback, however, be very prepared to accept a few sarcastic comments along the way, we have sarcasm by the bucketload here and it's best not to take offence or take it to heart. The way things work is, post your work in recently added and wait to see if anyone comments on it. This will usually happen if people think it is a good piece and worth commenting on or if you get 'cherried'. Whilst you are waiting it is probably best to sit on your hands, this is to prevent the urge to 'flag' yourself-ie: 'Hi I'm Candy Buchanen this is my story 'The day I lost my virginity', it is my first piece please can everyone comment. This is probably the best way of ensuring you don't get any comments. The only time you should remove your restraining bottom from your hands is to join in on the gen diss forum or if you see another piece on Abc that you really like and have a great urge to comment on. I hope this helps some and prevents you from finding yourself in embarrassing situations, (other than your Mother coming in and questioning what you are doing whilst you are sitting on your hands.)

this is quite awful, may i add that since i have been around recently this is the worst example of silliness i have seen on here. shall get around to reading the work in while. and be back to make a sensible comment. thanks ok just read it, firstly the recount of your story is vivid, and catches the reader, there are a few places where I would change your words.. where he faints for example .. i wouldn't use "woke up" afterwoulds but i might use "came too" but thats minor and personal choice. Also there are some basic errors in setting out the speech... "Please don’t do this, Joseph begged. One of Sayids’ brothers took his axe and swung it against Joseph. It had gone through his arm, he screamed out in pain. Blood was spurting out. - AHHH! Please god, help me." ------> yours. i would do it like this, "Please don’t do this," Joseph begged. One of Sayids’ brothers took his axe and swung it against Joseph. It had gone through his arm, he screamed out in pain. Blood was spurting out. "Ahhhhh! Please god, help me." I do hope this helps :) thanks for the read, I know that this kind of thing happens worldwide but I'm sorry that it's your memories we are discussing.

What are you talking about you bloody loon, I have absolutely no opinion on you whatsoever, sorry that should read 'had' no opinion on you, since you have just attacked me for no apparent reason I now consider you to be a complete and utter tosser.

I'm a little confused about the furor around this story. I wouldn't have thought such things would happen in Sweden, Iran or Iraq, yes. Basically it's a good story, let it lie at that, we are supposed to be civilised here, after all. Lisa.

Lisa, I don't think that there is a furor around this story, most of the comments on here are nothing to do with Mortaza or his tale, which incidentally he does state further up happened in Iran not Sweden.

Please behave. Mortaza has asked a perfectly reasonable question - he's had some very good responses and why on earth people should begin to write such utter rubbish in this thread is beyond me. This is not what we want so desist immediately.