FEEDBACK APPRECIATED

I posted some comments on your other thread. I forgot to add that you need to check punctuation carefully. Is your apostrophe key broken?! You are using a comma instead (, instead of '). Especially if you are planning to submit any stuff to the markets (magazines, competitions), you need to have water-tight spelling, punctuation and grammar otherwise you won't even get a second look, even if the poem is quite good. My spelling and punctuation is by no means perfect but fortunately I know people who will correct my work for me. Befriending an English teacher is ever so useful for this! again, (and sorry for repeating myself) please limit your postings to three per day. I like the idea of re-telling the Easter story and heck, Mel Gibson did it. Why not watch the film and Zefferelli's 'Jesus of Nazarus' to get some inspiration? As it is, I'm afraid I don't find it particularly convincing. You're trying to cover too much ground too quickly. Why not take that marvellous Road to Emmaus story and write a piece of about 1000 words? Imagine you're on the road with your friend Cleopas, you're talking about the events in Jerusalem over the passover. Suddenly there's a stranger - how did he talk to you, what did he look like, what was the road like? The weather, the ground...every detail goes into your account. Why do you persuade this stranger to stay with you? what is the recognition like when he breaks the bread? This is the kind of writing exercise that I've found useful and thought you might want to give it a try! jude "Cacoethes scribendi" http://www.judesworld.net