I may not be a puppy, but I have puppy eyes

I’m a man who'd be jealous
of a girl with a moustache,
even if she spends more time
ironing my underpants
than waxing her disgrace off.

I’m a man who’d be clinging
on to her like a barnacle,
so long as she has money
a decent job, a sturdy roof
over her head.

Alternatively we could live
in my trailer, somewhere
outside Crackersville,
and if I ever caught her
flirting with a man looking
like Spartacus, I’d start
picking my nose until it bled,

And put the blame on her.