Freedom
By prettyrose
Wed, 21 Sep 2011
- 2766 reads
9 comments
Pen tapping, mind scrapping
Trying to find the right words
To do you justice.
Then I remember Freedom is
Different for many people,
So I decided to say it straight
From my heart, and off I was,
Ready to start.
I believe it should be an
Entity of Goodness,which allows
Us all to be or look the way we
Choose, without prejudice.
And Left feeling pressured to
Be what others think we should be,
And left feeling empty and
Disengaged from society
But worse of all,abnormal inside.
So if we find ourselves
Ready to shout out our own
Judgmental thoughts,
Remember we all have
A heart,that can bleed.
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Comments
You write well. In any work
Permalink Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on
You write well. In any work aim to make your poem immediate, as if it is happening right now. There are times to kind of remember the past, and yet by making it come to life as if your eyes are enjoying the moment, it creates an immediate impact with your reader. Just saying... Richard LP
(I hope you don't mind my suggesting line changes to create the present---You, the writer decide finales. Cheers.
finding the right words
then I remember Freedom is
deciding to say it straight
ready to begin
Entity of Goodness allowing
Richard L. Provencher
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Good Luck in the competition
Good Luck in the competition Prettyrose-
this is a nice reminder of how good we can be towards each other. Thank you for the read.
;)Pia
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new Prettyrose hello! hope
Permalink Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Prettyrose
hello! hope you are improving.
What! a good way of explaining.
Like last stanza.
So find we find ourselves
Ready to shout out our own,
Judgemental thoughts
Remember we all have
a heart that can bleed
great and true message I know.
"spread a little happiness!" song.
Good luck with the competition to.
julie xx
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A beautiful, honest piece,
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
A beautiful, honest piece, prettyrose. That last line is brilliant, and so true!
Magic xxx
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